


Children of Absurdity

by lucky1025



Series: Children of Fate [2]
Category: Mawaru Penguindrum, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angst, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comedy, Crack, Dabi is a Todoroki, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-09-21 15:49:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucky1025/pseuds/lucky1025
Summary: A collection of absurd oneshots based on Children of Fate





	1. Endeavor Vs Teddydrum White

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend reading this chapter after reading chapter 27 of Children of Fate
> 
> I can't believe I wrote a fic that was 100% crack, and I still somehow put foreshadowing into it... Unbelievable... Anyway, to even it out, I also put at least one case of something that looks like it could be foreshadowing but is actually a red herring, so have a fun time trying to figure out what's what =)

“Can someone tell me why I’m doing this again?” Izuku heard Endeavor growl out. Despite the man carrying his usually sense of anger, the words were mostly filled with confusion. He must’ve still been adjusting to suddenly appearing in the Dueling Arena and Crystal World.

 

“Because literally all of the readers hate your guts, and this will help lessen the hate? Maybe? By a tiny, tiny amount?” Takahiro, who was sitting in the stands next to the Endeavor, responded to him with a non-reassuring answer.

 

“No, see– when you refer to stuff like “ _readers_ ”, I have _no idea what you’re talking about!_ ”

 

Takahiro shrugged. “I have no idea what I’m talking about either. I’m just parroting what Izuku-kun told me– _Ha!_ _Parroting!_ Get it? Cause I’m a bird?”

 

Endeavor rubbed his hand over face in exasperation. He had completely given up on getting any real answers – _Excellent._

 

Izuku tapped the microphone in his hand to check that it was working before he began speaking into it, “Alright, is everyone settled? Great! Because it’s time for the match you’ve all been eagerly awaiting!”

 

Standing in the middle of the Dueling Arena’s dirt ring, he flicked out his arm and red cloak towards the side of the arena containing white stands and a pumped-up Teddydrum White. “In this corner, we have the home team competitor and murderous protector of all children– _Teddydrum White!_ ”

 

The audience in the white stands went wild with cheers and whistles. Many of the people Izuku knew had come to see the match and were rooting for Teddydrum White. Izuku looked over all of them–  Ochako, Tsuyu, Tenya, and Hitoshi – _AKA the Dekusquad minus Shouto_ – all sat together, then Penguin Yagi, Human Yagi, Toshi-pingu, Togata, Nighteye, and Gran Torino formed their own group. Somehow Kirishima had gotten Kacchan to come along with Kaminari, Sero, and Ashido – _AKA the Bakusquad_ – Izuku had gifted Shouto a spot in the VIP box which he shared with the Champion of the Rose Bride, Izu-pingu, and Momoka in her Hand Mirror. Shouta and Hizashi were once again in the commenter’s booth, and finally in the very corner was–

 

“Hold on a second, you guys there! Way in the corner! _You’re all villains, why are you here?!_ ”

 

Shigaraki scoffed through the dismembered hand over his face – _how did he expect to see the match with that on?_ – “What?! Is there a rule that says villains can’t enjoy seeing the Number Two hero potentially get his ass beat?”

 

“Please bear with him. He promised to behave himself for the regional villain meeting if I took him to see this,” Kurogiri, who was sitting next to Shigaraki, politely pleaded their case.

 

“Does not everyone wish to see the falsest hero of them all be brought to his knees?” Stain interjected.

 

“You tried to kill me and my friend! And at this point in the story you’re supposed to be in jail!” Izuku yelled at Stain. _And you guys literally killed my teacher!_ Izuku wanted to add, but since they were under the impression that they had failed to kill Shouta he had to stew in silence. “If you cause trouble I’m kicking you out! But also– Momoka-san, what chapter are we on?!”

 

“Chapter 27: The Illusion of Freedom”

 

“That’s what I thought– you there! You haven’t even been _introduced in the story yet! How are you with them?!_ ”

 

“What?” Dabi drawled out, “I don’t really know what you’re talking about, but I didn’t know you needed to be “ _introduced in the story_ ” to be able to enjoy Endeavor potentially getting beat up by a giant teddy bear.”

 

Toshinori into Nighteye’s ear, “Is there a reason why we’re all cheering against Endeavor? Did I miss something?” Nighteye just shrugged.

 

“It’s cause Endeavor’s a piss-poor excuse of a human being who hides behind being a “good” hero that wouldn’t be able to accept second-place even if his life depended on it!” Kacchan yelled from across the stands. Shouto nodded in agreement with him, and Toshinori just furrowed his brows in more confusion.

 

_Ignorance truly is bliss…_

 

“You know what, never mind. I’m just going to move on.”

 

Izuku flicked his arm and cloak towards the side containing the black stands. “And in the opposing corner, the eternal Number Two hero and human personification of garbage– _Endeavor!_ ”

 

“What the hell kind of intro is that?!” the human personification of garbage yelled in anger.

 

The large black stands were entirely empty except for Takahiro and Teddydrum Black – _and the only reason why Teddydrum Black was there was to make sure Takahiro didn’t feel lonely_ – Takahiro’s lone clapping echoed through the barren silence. For some reason, have exactly one person cheering for Endeavor brought more attention to the drastic difference in support between the two sides more than simply having no one would have.

 

“How pitiful…” Izuku absentmindedly murmured into the microphone.

 

“ _I’m not pitiful!_ ” the pitiful human personification of garbage yelled.

 

Izuku continued, “Now, this was originally supposed to be a death match– ”

 

“ _Excuse me?!_ ”

 

“ –but Takahiro-san is an angel who deserves to have whatever he wishes handed to him on a silver platter, so I accepted his request to downgrade the match from _death match_ to _wrestling match_.”

 

“Uh– you’re laying it on a bit thick there kid…”

 

“No, he’s right!” from the back, Momoka denied Takahiro’s denial over his angelic nature. Takahiro’s awkwardness over the matter caused him to unconsciously fidget his wings.

 

“ _There’s no death match?!_ I thought we would get to see someone _die_ in this thing!” Shigaraki complained.

 

“I _told you_ that this was a death match downgraded to a wrestling match– you simply chose to stop listening after you heard the first half,” Kurogiri responded with a tone more suited for a pro nanny than a villain.

 

Dabi shrugged from next to them. “I still think watching Endeavor have to fight a teddy bear will make this worth the price of admission.”

 

“It better!” Shigaraki huffed while crossing his arms over his chest.

 

 _That_ caught Izuku’s attention. “Hold on– price of admission? _This was supposed to be a free event!_ ”

 

“It was?!” Kirishima shouted questioningly, “We also had to pay though?”

 

Izuku narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Everyone who had to pay to get in raise their hands!”

 

The all of the human members of the audience raised their hands, except for Shouto, Hitoshi, and Takahiro – _AKA the Momoka’s Favorites squad_.

 

“ _Momoka-san!_ ”

 

“Come up here and I can explain everything in private, my dear prince.”

 

Izuku climbed the steps to the VIP box in the white stands and stood in front of Momoka’s Hand Mirror with his arms crossed. Shouto just sat back to in enjoy the showdown beside him– completely unconcerned with the outcome due to being one of the ones who got in free.

 

“Your kingdom doesn’t have any citizens to tax, so you need to create revenue when you can to maintain everything.”

 

“Momoka-san, _we don’t even use currency here_. You made everything so it would be self-sustaining! Try again!”

 

“I charged everyone 1,000 yen – _and conned the villains into paying double_ – so we have 22,000 yen to spend on Cinderella’s, Alice’s, and Icarus’s Christmas presents.”

 

…

 

Izuku stepped back down the stairs and onto the field. “It was decided due to the lack of tax income available to collect for the Crystal World that additional avenues for generating revenue needed to be used. Your contributions were greatly appreciated!”

 

“I thought you didn’t use curren– _Ack!_ ” Toshinori was cut off by Toshi-pingu’s flipper to the gut.

 

“Now to hand off the proceedings to everyone’s favorite announcer, Present Mic!”

 

“ **ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE!** ” Hizashi yelled through his hero gear connected to the arena speakers.

 

The crowd was silent.

 

Izuku hissed into his microphone, “ _Everyone cheer for Hizashi-sensei or we aren’t starting_.”

 

The crowd burst into roaring applause.

 

“ **THEN LET THE MATCH BEGIN!!!** ” The ring of a bell signified the beginning of the fight.

 

Teddydrum White rushed at Endeavor, who dodged out of the way to burst fire at the robot. “ _I still don’t know why I’m doing this!_ ”

 

Dabi cupped his hands around his mouth to shout, “Suck it up and take your beating old man, people paid for this shit!”

 

The fire didn’t harm Teddydrum White, instead making its metal hotter and more dangerous if it came into contact with Endeavor – _though he’s resistant to his own fire so maybe he would be fine with it, who knows_ – Teddydrum White brought out its cannons, but a shot of fire at one shoulder caused it to explode, proving the robots weren’t completely fire proof.

 

“Come on Teddydrum White I bet money on your ass! _Fuck him up!_ ” Kacchan goaded.

 

“Gambling is _illegal_ for people our age!” Iida predictably accused.

 

Next to him, Hitoshi shrugged. “Didn’t stop _literally all of the UA students besides you_ from getting in on the betting pool.”

 

“ _I beg your pardon?!_ Uraraka-kun, Asu– sorry, _Tsu-chan,_ is this true?!”

 

Ochako looked away, neither confirming nor denying. Tsuyu confessed out right, “Yes, kero.”

 

Teddydrum White flew into the air with its rockets and tried to shoot at Endeavor using its remaining cannon, but the middle-aged man was surprisingly agile. On the other hand, he failed to snipe at the other cannon with his fire a second time due to the robot’s enhanced maneuvering while in the air.

 

“You bet we got in on that action!” Ashido yelled from the Bakusquad area. Sero and Kirishima rubbed at the back of their heads while smiling sheepishly. Kaminari just gave a thumbs up, “Yeah! Don’t worry about it mister class president, we won’t get caught!”

 

“Two of your teachers are _right here_ ,” Shouta interrupted from the speakers, “Please look up what the word _discretion_ means.”

 

“ _Oh shit!_ ” Kaminari cursed, holding his head in his hands.

 

Kacchan slapped the back of Kaminari’s head. “Way to go _dumbass_!”

 

“You were the one who started talking about it first though…” Kacchan glared at Shouto for his retort, but he was much less threatening from a distance.

 

Teddydrum White dive-bombed Endeavor, who used fire to propel himself away.

 

Togata laughed at his underclassmen, “I made a bet too, seemed like fun!” Next to him, Nighteye sighed.

 

Toshinori raised an eyebrow. “But all of you are on the Teddydrum White side… did some of you bet against it even though your rooting for it?”

 

“No. I heard that everyone bet on Teddydrum White except for Hawks.”

 

“You’re all betting against _one person_?! Even if you win you’ll hardly get anything!”

 

Endeavor took a hit to the side from one of the Teddydrums nubbed hands, but retaliated with a point-blank shot to its cannon. Its other shoulder exploded.

 

“ _Hawks_ – _the Number Three hero,_ who isn’t even _affiliated with the school_ – was involved in the _student-run betting pool?_ ” Shouta narrowed his eye at the Number Three hero.

 

Takahiro giggled nervously while avoiding eye contact with Shouta, then called out, “Come on Endeavor, if you win I’m going to make a _shit ton of money_ off these kids! I’ll split it with you!”

 

“Trying to con high schoolers of their money… _How precious!_ Such a darling angel you are, Takahiro!”

 

Shouto side-eyed Momoka upon hear that.

 

“Is that the only reason why you’re cheering for me?!” Endeavor yelled as he dodged another punch by the robot.

 

“No man, you’re also my favorite hero! So do a favor for your biggest fan, yeah?”

 

“Wait, really– _Gah!_ ” Endeavor was distracted enough by Takahiro’s adorably misguided admiration that Teddydrum White was able to punt him off the edge of the tower.

 

“Endeavor is out of bounds– **TEDDYDRUM WHITE WINS!** ” Hizashi called the match. The crowd in the white stands burst into cheers.

 

“ _No!_ ” Takahiro grabbed at his messy blond hair, despairing for his lost money.

 

Izuku moved to his side to pat his shoulder. “Sorry, Takahiro-san, but it looks like you played yourself…”

 

“Um… isn’t anyone going to get Endeavor?” Ochako questioned in concern.

 

Izuku blinked at that. “I thought he could jet himself back up with his quirk?”

 

“He can’t sustain that for long, so if he was punted too far away from the edge he might not make it…” Shouto admitted while eyeing the edge that his father had fell from.

 

Dabi jeered while raising a fist in the air, “ _Let him fall!_ ”

 

“He deserves it for being a _fake hero_!”

 

“ _Finally_ , we get to see some nice, quality _death_.”

 

Predictably, everyone ignored the villains’ opinions – _It’s not like the pro heroes could legally let him fall anyway…_

 

“Is he still falling?” Takahiro glided over to the edge. “ _Oh God, he’s still falling!_ ”

 

Takahiro jumped off the ledge after him.

 

Air hissed through Izuku’s teeth in a sharp breath. He whispered, “ _I don’t like this allegory_ …”

 

“What’s an allegory?” Kaminari asked, honestly not knowing what an allegory is.

 

“Sorry, Kaminari-kun, but in order to have a conversation with me literary concepts are required knowledge. You can try speaking to me again once you’ve educated yourself.”

 

“ _Are you serious?!_ ”

 

Ashido laughed at him, “Haha! Kaminari doesn’t get to talk to Midoriya anymore!”

 

“Do _you_ even know what an allegory is, raccoon-eyes?! You’re only one rank above him in class!” Kacchan called her out. Ashido had no defense against the truth.

 

Suddenly, Takahiro rose above the tower’s ledge like an angel lifting a sinner out of the depths of Hell. His bright red wings were spread out gorgeously as he hovered in the air, somehow managing to hold the bulky Endeavor in a bridal carry. He held the pose with a bright grin on his face. “Someone needs to take a picture of me _immediately_ so I can eternalize this moment!”

 

“Put me down already!”

 

All of the teenagers’ phones were out within a second, snapping the requested pictures.

 

“ _God dammit!_ ”

 

Gran Torino sighed, “Well, now that we’ve had our fun, we should take this opportunity to– ” He turned his head to the back corner of the stands. “And _all the villains are already gone_ … except for the Hero Killer?”

 

Izuku looked to see that Stain was being held at sword point by the Champion of the Rose Bride. “They all still have a grudge against him… how did the others even leave though?”

 

“Let’s see if the names of these jewels can give us a hint!” Momoka chimed in, bringing out a jewelery box and shifting through gems of various color, “We have dream… hope… adventure… mystery… and here it is– _author's convenience!_ ”

 

“Kero… can Kurogiri’s warp gate let him warp them out?”

 

“It… really shouldn’t be able to? _I think?_ ” Izuku looked at Momoka.

 

Momoka just continued to smile at him. “Like I said– _author's convenience!_ ”

 

“That’s not a real answer! This is something important we need to know about!”

 

“ _Author's convenience!_ ”

 

“ _Dammit Momoka!_ ”


	2. The Christmas Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A collection of three Christmas shorts including:  
> Is It Possible to be Both a Villain and a Santa?  
> O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree– How Lovely are Thy Branches  
> And Dance of the Nutcracker Prince
> 
> The part of the Nutcracker Suite that goes with the dance in the last story is Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. You can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-QAhsbQYmE

Is It Possible to be Both a Villain and a Santa?

 

 

In theory, some might consider hosting a secret santa for a villain organization to be an _okay_ idea… _Maybe?_

 

It’s not like they were doing it to celebrate the holiday or engage in “Christmas Cheer”, it simply provided a good opportunity for bonding between League members. And when you have co-workers that prefer to kill the people that they find displeasing, having a somewhat favorable bond with them could help mitigate _problems_ in the future. That’s why Kurogiri had offered this idea to Tomura in the first place.

 

_But now, he wasn’t really sure if this was a good idea…_

 

It’s not like they _failed_ to actually execute said secret santa– surprising all of their remaining members had brought a present for their chosen person just as promised. But because all of them were villains and selfish people, it seemed like they had no idea that presents were supposed to be chosen based on what _the other person_ would like…

 

“Oh– this is… _a hunting knife_. How… _thoughtful_ of you, Toga-chan!” Magne tried her best to feign joy in response to the shiny knife she had just unwrapped.

 

Toga smiled at her recipient excitedly, apparently not seeing through Magne’s façade. “I’m so glad you liked it, Big Sis! I wanted to get a good present for you, so I got the best knife stolen money could buy!”

 

At that, Magne’s smile turned more genuine, and she ruffled Toga’s hair. “Thanks a lot, little miss.”

 

“You’re not supposed to admit you stole the money for your present, Toga-san,” Mr. Compress cut in, “It makes the gift-receiver uncomfortable.”

 

Tomura snorted, “As if _any of us_ are making legal money– some of you probably just stole this shit. Also, _what is this?_ ” Tomura held out the pamphlet he had received from Mr. Compress.

 

“Those are tickets to see the regional Nutcracker Ballet. It’s a Christmas time classic, you know!”

 

“Why the hell would I want to see a _ballet?_ ”

 

“It’s not exactly a Broadway show or theater play I’ll admit, but ballet performances can still be an exquisite form of entertainment.”

 

“ _That’s not the point!_ ”

 

“Uh… Hey, Big Sis Magne? What am I supposed to do with this?” Spinner held out a set of black eyeliner with his scaled hand.

 

“When you wear your mask, fill in the space between your eyes and the mask with it– it will help you pull off your look better! You can also wear it without the mask on so that your eyes pop more.”

 

“Does eyeliner even work on scales?”

 

“Spinner, did you just take one of your swords and gift it to me? I could’ve sworn I saw you use this before.” Twice tilted his head at the blade in is hand.

 

“Hey– if it’s not broke, it can be regifted! That’s the key to saving money during holidays!”

 

“Thanks, I love it– _I hate it! Buy me something new, asshole!_ ”

 

“Kurogiri-san.” He turned his eyes back towards Mr. Compress, who had just opened his own gift. The masked man held a bottle out towards him. “Thank you very much for your lovely present. This is quite the quality selection of wine from what I can tell!”

 

Kurogiri bit back a sigh of relief – _maybe this wasn’t an awful idea after all–_ and replied, “You’re welcome, Mr. Compress. I’m glad you’re pleased– ”

 

“Wow! Dabi got me alcohol too, what a coincidence!”

 

Kurogiri turned to see Toga Himiko holding up a _bottle of strong vodka_ of all things, and promptly opened a portal near it to take it from her hand. “Hey! That’s my present!”

 

“I know we’re villains that don’t care about the law, but as long as you’re in _my_ bar, you have to wait _at least_ until you’re eighteen to have this…” He then turned his lit-up eyes to glare at the uncaring, scarred offender.

 

Dabi scoffed at him, “What? Don’t be such a _mom_ Kurogiri. It’s not like losing a few more brain cells would matter for her– she’s got too many screws loose already.”

 

“What do you think of my present Kurogiri? I hope you liked it– _not!_ ”

 

Kurogiri ignored the mom comment to look at the slip of paper he had been holding in his hand. It said _One Free Cloning to Use for Chores_ on it. He struggled to think of something good to say.

 

“It’s… very useful. Thank you.”

 

“ _You better not take me up on that, you might end up stabbing yourself–_ use it as soon as you can!”

_He feels like there’s a story behind that warning…_

“ _What the fuck?!_ ” Dabi cried out in disgust.

 

He let the opened box he had been holding fall onto the floor. Kurogiri could see a _dismembered human hand in it_.

 

“What’s wrong, don’t like my present?” Tomura asked, not seeing anything wrong with his choice of gift.

 

“Uh– yes! Why the hell would you _give someone a hand as a present?!_ What the _fuck_ am I supposed to do _with a fucking hand?!_ ”

 

“You could do a lot of things with it! You could set it up as a decoration on a shelf, you could wear it as an accessory– ”

 

“ _You are the only person in this world that wears_ hands _as_ accessories! And why would I want to fucking _see this thing on my shelf?! It’s disturbing!_ ”

 

 _Never mind. This was an awful,_ awful _idea…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree– How Lovely are Thy Branches

 

 

Christmas Eve and Christmas day were two of the only days in the year that Hawks’s sidekicks could successfully get him to take off.

 

They would whine endlessly about how “Hawks works so hard and never gets to see his family, he should visit them!” and “We’ve already decided who’s holding the fort during the holiday and they’ll make sure to let you know if there’s an emergency, so take a break with your loved ones!” And Hawks just didn’t have it in him to correct them by saying that he _doesn’t have anyone to see_. So he ends up at his condo staring at his tiny, plastic Christmas tree that had no presents beneath it while drinking whatever sort of alcohol he felt like having at the moment.

 

But this year, things are a little different, because a teenager invited him to a “Christmas Tree Decorating Party”.

 

Hawks had certainly never heard of that kind of party before, but from what Izuku had told him, decorating a Christmas tree in the Garden of Eden was a holiday tradition for him. _And it’s not like Hawks has any other plans_ – So after his sidekicks had successfully kicked him out of his own agency, he changed out of his hero costume, picked up Izuku’s present and an obligatory platter of goodies to share, and used his Red String of Fate bracelet to _Survival Strategy_ himself into the Crystal World’s library.

 

From the library, Izu-pingu escorted him to the Garden of Eden, and Hawks walked in to see a scene completely different from what he had expected.

 

The entire Garden of Eden was covered in a fine coat of snow. The fields of green had turned into fields of white, and lumps of snow coated the branches on all the trees. The sky was blue but held soft looking clouds that released a constant but gently snowfall, and there was a convenient path devoid of snow that Hawks could take. It led up to a large clearing.

 

In the center of the clearing was the biggest Christmas tree Hawks had ever seen in his life. It grew out of the ground to tower over the forest, standing about half the height of the Tree of Knowledge that was farther away form the site. There were colors of spots on it indicating where ornaments and trim were already present, and Hawks could see two figures on the backs of Teddydrum Black and Teddydrum White putting up more stuff along with a standing in the air Prince of the Crystal.

 

When Izuku spotted him, he blurred into existence just in front of Hawks with a bright smile. “Takahiro-san, I’m so glad you could make it!”

 

Hawks returned the smile while ruffling Izuku’s hair. “No problem kid. Thanks for the invite.”

 

Izuku basked in the affection for a moment before pulling Hawks by the arm towards a picnic table that had been set up next to a grill and open fire. Standing at the grill was a short, plump woman with green hair that was suspiciously similar to Izuku’s. She turned towards them with a soft smile and shining green eyes.

 

“Mom, this is Takahiro-san!” Izuku presented him to his mother and _oh dear, Hawks hadn’t prepared himself for meeting any_ parents. _But really that should’ve been an obvious thing…_

 

He tried to retain a politer attitude than he usually possessed as he presented his hand to Izuku’s mother. “Nice to meet you Midoriya-san, uh– my apologies for the mishap that happened with your son under my care…”

 

“Oh, no worries Hawks-san. I understand that you were very attentive to Izuku, it was simply a matter of things happening out of your control, and you took such good care of him afterwards. You can call me Inko– that will make it easier since two Midoriyas are around,” Inko took his hand for a surprisingly firm handshake, and a glint entered her eye, “ …But I hope that if Izuku were to be put under your care in the future, _you will take even more precautions than you had then_.”

 

Hawks had a sudden flashback to Izuku in front of the skewered Hero Killer as the family resemblance kicked in, and he had to keep his expression from changing. He answered the order with, “ …Of course, that’s only natural.”

 

“Mom, don’t scare Takahiro-san away!” Izuku pouted at his mother.

 

“I’m not scaring him away, dear, don’t worry.” Inko’s expression turned back into that of a gentle mother’s. She moved away for a moment to place some of what she was cooking on the grill onto a large plate and showed it to him. Hawks blinked down at the chicken skewers.

 

“Izuku said that you like chicken, so I made some yakitori. I hope it’s to your liking!”

 

“Oh– you didn’t need to go to so much trouble for me, really…”

 

“It’s no trouble at all dear! As you are a high-ranking hero, I understand the value of your time.” Inko’s green eyes looked much like Izuku’s as they shined with gratitude. “I’m very thankful that you chose to spend some of it with my child today.”

 

Hawks involuntarily flushed a bit at the unexpected thanks. He tried to hide it with the collar of his coat, only to remember that he didn’t have his hero costume on. Then he tried to avert attention from that aborted movement by putting the platter he had brought onto the table.

 

“I brought a lot of chocolate, so I hope you’ve got some friends here to eat it all, Izuku-kun.”

 

“Ah– I’ll go get them now, looks like the food’s ready anyway!” with that said, Izuku blurred back to the giant Christmas tree.

 

Hawks placed his present to Izuku in a pile of wrapped boxes on another table a little ways away. By the time he was back, Inko had set him up a plate of yakitori, rice and a couple of other side dishes. Hawks took the plate with a thanks like a good child. He hoped that accepting the food offering would make up for his awkward response earlier.

 

He bit into the yakitori and moaned, “Mmm– this is really good, Inko-san. I can’t remember the last time I had homemade yakitori.”

 

“Thank you dear, make sure you eat a lot. I’ve got plenty!” A soft hand pat Hawks’s shoulder.

 

_This is completely different from how interacting with Takahiro’s own mother had felt. Is this what having a mom is supposed to feel like? No, bad thoughts Hawks. Get a hold of yourself–_

 

“Takahiro-san! This is Shinsou Hitoshi, and you’ve already met Shouto-kun!”

 

His attention was forcibly brought to the two teenagers in front of him. _The fuck– they’re both taller than him by a bit, why are these kids so damn tall…_

“Nice to see you again…” Todoroki unenthusiastically stated.

 

“Nice to meet you…” Shinsou – _who Hawks vaguely remembers as the brainwashing gen ed kid from the Sports Festival_ – awkwardly bowed his head a bit before side-eyeing Izuku. “Were you ever going to explain that _Takahiro-san_ is actually _the Number Three hero,_ Izuku?”

 

Izuku gave a sheepish smile at that. “Oh… I– really didn’t think about that…”

 

Hawks snorted, “Being at UA and taught by All Might must’ve really desensitized you, kid.”

 

“Izuku is friends with All Might too,” Todoroki added on.

 

“What– seriously?” Hawks raised an eyebrow at Izuku, “How do you even become friends with _your_ _teacher?_ ”

 

Before Izuku could defend himself, Todoroki elaborated with, “I don’t really know. But he also made friends with our homeroom teacher and Mic-sensei, so he must be doing something right…”

 

“Izuku’s _friends_ with _Aizawa-sensei?_ ” Shinsou asked incredulously while raising his eyebrows.

 

“Uh– why don’t we just all eat now!” Izuku cut off the topic of conversation.

 

At that, Hawks glanced down a moment to see Izu-pingu by his feet, and presented a skewer to him. “You want some food little guy?”

 

Izu-pingu recoiled in disgust as though Hawks had presented a corpse to him.

 

“ …Oh, wait– _you’re also a bird_. That doesn’t eat other birds. Right, sorry about that!” 

 

From there, the group ate at the table together. It was clear that Todoroki and Shinsou were somewhat less adept in socializing, but Izuku was clearly used to working them into conversations and Hawks had enough of a motor mouth to cover for all three of them. Whenever he tried to finish his plate, it was suspiciously refilled before he could quit for good. _Inko-san must be a very attentive mother…_

 

At one point he asked, “So, I’m surprised your guys’ families didn’t want you home for Christmas Eve. Are you staying for long?”

 

“We’re both staying overnight,” Todoroki explained, “My dad doesn’t care about celebrating Christmas, and when I told my sister I had plans this year, she went to visit our mother. It’s sort of awkward trying to celebrate with Fuyumi since we don’t really spend time together outside of holidays…”

 

“My foster parents have their own kids to celebrate with, me not being there doesn’t make a difference to them. So I’d rather be here,” Shinsou added casually.

 

Hawks was hit with the sudden realization that Izuku had collected a set of children who were lonely and troubled, and then invited them over for the holidays because they were lacking in meaningful people to spend it with. He attempted to avoid the fact that he was obviously included in this collection.

 

After eating Hawks put his Mighty Wings to good use by flying around the Christmas tree and putting up some of the many decorations available along side the kids. Izuku, of course, was the one to put the star at the top of the tree. And at some point Hawks found some mistletoe and just held it above Todoroki’s head until Izuku got the picture and came over to kiss his boyfriend, because Hawks is an awesome wing man _– pun intended_. While the two love birds – _pun still intended_ – enjoyed it, their friend Shinsou just sighed in that _third-wheel friend_ way, and promptly threw a snowball at Izuku’s face as soon as the romantic moment was over.

 

He bowed out after a while to let the kiddos have fun on their own, rejoining Inko at the table as an Adult from where she was watching them with a soft look on her face. She continued to watch the snowball fight as she started speaking, “ …You have no idea how much it means that you came here.”

 

 _Oh no, not this again–_ Hawks leaned his head onto his hand as he replied through his bites of chocolate, “It really wasn’t a problem, Inko-san. Izuku’s good kid– I wouldn’t leave him hanging...” _Especially when there was no one else for Hawks to be with right now._

 

Inko just slowly shook her head as she explained, “No– you see, decorating this tree is a tradition for our family. Izuku loved to help his father with the decorations, and we would do it every year without fail. But last year… was the first time that _my husband wasn’t with us anymore_ , and Izuku wanted nothing to do with the tree– he couldn’t even bare to come to this garden for the whole month…” 

 

Hawks stopped eating his chocolate as he processed that.

 

“ _It broke my heart to see that,_ and I thought this year would be like that too,” Inko’s voice wavered a bit, and she started to dab at her eyes, “But instead, Izuku was excited to decorate the tree again– He said that he wanted to make it even grander than previous years so he could share it with _Shouto-kun_ , and _Hitoshi-kun_ , and _Takahiro-san_. And it’s because of all of you that my child can be here now to enjoy his favorite family tradition in a new way…” She sniffled at the end, saying, “I’m sorry– I’m just getting a little emotional right now– ”

 

 _Oh shit the crying is genetic–_ Hawks awkwardly passed a napkin for her to wipe her tears with, and completed it with an awkward pat to the shoulder for comfort.

 

“Honestly, Inko-san…” Hawks mumbled his soft words, “Getting asked to come over somewhere for Christmas meant a lot to me too, that’s why Izuku invited me in the first place. And at first I just thought that he did it because he pitied me but…”

 

His eyes followed Izuku’s movement around the Christmas tree with his friends alongside him. “If me being here also helps him– _then I’m glad I came_.” 

 

And when the decorating was over, and Izuku turned the daylight of the Garden of Eden into night to show off the spectacular dazzle and colors of the Christmas tree lights, and Hawks got to take a picture under the tree with him– he was even more glad that he came.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dance of the Nutcracker Prince

 

 

After coming home from Izuku’s Christmas tree extravaganza, Hitoshi had three additional items with him; A book on cat-related trivia from Todoroki, a _Nintendo 3DS_ of all things from Izuku – _he said that he had extra money for gifts this year and had heard Hitoshi admit he was lacking in terms of gaming consoles, but did he seriously need to go that far? At least he also got one for Todoroki_ – and a mysteriously normal-looking nutcracker toy from Izuku’s pocket dimension that was said to be Momoka’s gift to him.

 

Izuku explained that they had used “Fairy Dust” on the toy so that it could stay outside the Crystal World with Hitoshi, and that Momoka had made the nutcracker so that it induced pleasant dreams for the people who sleep in the same room as it. Usually, Hitoshi would think that sort of thing was purely superstition– but this thing was from the same place that generated sentient robots and penguins. So that first night back, he put it on his shelf looking forward to getting a good night sleep.

 

But then, he had woken up to see a human-sized nutcracker fighting a Mouse King that looked suspiciously like Principal Nedzu, used his quirk to order the Mouse King to _stop fucking up his room_ , and the much-larger-than-before nutcracker slayed the beast. With a sparkly transformation– the nutcracker turned into Izuku in a red prince outfit.

 

_Now he’s just wonder what kind of drugs Momoka put in that nutcracker..._

 

“Uh… is that you, Izuku?” Hitoshi questioned while eyeing the nutcracker-turned-human.

 

“No, dear Hitoshi– I am the Nutcracker Prince!” the red-garbed Izuku gave a flourishing bow towards him, introducing himself with a grand voice that sounded exactly like Izuku’s, “And I am in your debt for the aid you gave me against the dreaded Mouse King. It was because of him that I was stuck as a simple toy, and now I am free– ”

 

Still in his bowed position, the Prince took Hitoshi’s hand to gently place a kiss upon his knuckles. Hitoshi blushed hard at the sight and sensation. “ _–all thanks to you_ _~_ You have my eternal gratitude!”

 

Hitoshi tore his hand out of the Prince’s grip and stammered, “I– I _really_ don’t need anything like _eternal gratitude_ or whatever, so– now that you’re back to normal, you can go back to where you came from and leave me to sleep– ”

 

“Of course I will be leaving to go back home, my dear Hitoshi– ” _why does he keep referring to him like that_ “ –but I insist that you join me for a short trip there. We simply _must_ hold a ball in your honor to convey to you our sincerest thanks!”

 

“ _A ball in my honor?!_ That is _way_ too much– ”

 

“But is it really, Hitoshi?” The Prince looked at him with sparkling green eyes, he gently retook Hitoshi’s hand to clutch it like it was a precious thing. “Or do you just think that your actions are not deserving of praise because they come from _you?_ ”

 

Hitoshi stiffened in response.

 

Once again, the Prince laid a kiss upon his hand. He quietly stated, “If you truly do not wish it, I will not force you to come. But if you _do_ wish to receive this gratitude, this _glory_ – _then you should embrace it, Hitoshi_.”

 

That sucked the denial out of him. The next thing he knew, the Prince had spirited him away to a golden ballroom that had walls covered with roses. Against one wall was a golden throne that held a pink-haired young girl. When Hitoshi was brought into an audience with her, he realized that she looked like Momoka from her portrait, except she was wearing a dainty, purple-colored tutu and had delicate, transparent fairy wings on her back.

 

The Prince got done on one knee before her, and Hitoshi copied him as to not look out of place. “Sugar Plum Fairy, I present to you Shinsou Hitoshi– the boy who aided me in my fight against the Mouse King.”

 

The Sugar Plum Fairy looked down on him with her half-lidded, pink eyes. Her voice was high-pitched and child-like as she responded, “ _Shinsou Hitoshi_ … what a daring knight you must be. Thank you very much for returning our Prince to us– we will host a ball in your name at once!” All it took was a single snap of her fingers, and suddenly the once empty ballroom was filled to the brim with dressed-up mannequins.

 

Hitoshi carefully raised himself to stand as he watched the figures dance gracefully around the room. An orchestra on the stage nearby was playing a soft melody that Hitoshi vaguely recognized as being part of the Nutcracker Suite.

 

A hand was presented to him ,and the Prince smiled at him. “May I have this dance, my dear Hitoshi?”

 

Hitoshi stared at him in confusion. “I… don’t know how to dance. And I’m not exactly dressed for the occasion…” He looked down at himself to realize that he was not wearing pajamas, but a dark purple set of princely attire. “ –or, I guess I am now? _When did that happen?_ ”

 

“That’s okay. I know how so all you need to do is follow my lead.” The Prince was still holding out his hand to him.

 

Hitoshi stared at it for a long moment, then placed his hand in the Prince’s. He was led to the center of the room and rearranged into a standard ballroom-dancing position. Then, he let the Prince guide Hitoshi around in circles, following the beat of the music that echoed throughout the room.

 

His skin where his hand held the Prince’s hand, and where he could feel the other hand of the Prince at his waist, seemed to burn.

 

“Hitoshi, is something wrong? You seem distracted.”

 

Hitoshi blinked himself out of his thoughts as he looked down at the green eyes before him. “I was just wondering… why are you doing all of this? And why do you look like Izuku?”

 

“I am doing this because you are _deserving_ of it, my dear Hitoshi~” The Prince used the hand at Hitoshi’s waist to bring him close to the other’s chest, and Hitoshi gave an involuntary, quiet gasp as his face flushed. The Prince just continued to smile up at him. “And as for why I look like Midoriya Izuku… _I simply took the form of a person you could fall in love with, because I wish to be loved by you._ ”

 

Hitoshi stumbled in shock, but the Prince kept him steady through their dance. He stared with eyes wide with incomprehension. “What– _What are you talking about?!_ I’m not _in love_ with Izuku!”

 

“That’s true. But you it would easy for you to fall into that type of love with him, would it not?” The Prince and Hitoshi circled between the many pairs of mannequins that surrounded them. “You wish so desperately to be loved, _my dear Hitoshi_ , would it not be a dream come true for a prince to appear in your life and sweep you off your feet? For a prince to embrace you and tell you the words “ _I love you_ ” with all the meaning their heart can muster?”

 

Suddenly, the Prince guided Hitoshi into a dip that left him breathless. He was now the one looking up at his partner. Hitoshi felt like a fire lit itself in his chest.

 

“ _It’s just to bad that the_ blessed _Todoroki Shouto was the one to be granted with the Prince of the Crystal’s heart. Once again– you are left_ unchosen _._ ”

 

The fire inside promptly died. He glared up at the still smiling Prince and growled, “You want to shut up, asshole? I don’t care that Izuku’s in love with Todoroki. Fuck, that guy even has a “prince” feel to him too. They suit each other.”

 

“And you _do not_ suit Midoriya Izuku, Hitoshi? Why is that?”

 

Hitoshi flinched slightly as the Prince cradled his face with his palm, but he was held steady by the figure leaning over him.

 

“It is because you are a _commoner_ and not a _knight_ or a _prince_ , is it not? Because you are cursed to be a child who is forgotten and unwanted? Because people fear the sound of your voice, believing that you have ill intentions?”

 

The Prince leaned his face forward towards Hitoshi’s to whisper into his ear, “But Midoriya Izuku does not see you as a commoner. He wishes to make you one of the _blessed_. He does not fear you, he believes you to be _good_. Perhaps he even likes hearing you speak– _And you want to be loved by someone like that, Hitoshi_. Therefore, if that Prince were to whisper “ _I love you_ ” into your ear, would you not immediately be seduced by his pretty words?”

 

Hitoshi shivered at the sensation and intimacy of the Prince’s voice _which sounded just like Izuku’s_ –

 

His partner pulled his head back to gaze lovely at Hitoshi, with his hand still cradling Hitoshi’s face, and Hitoshi could only stare into Izuku’s green eyes.

 

Izuku continued to whisper, “I love to hear you speak, Hitoshi. The sound of your voice is more beautiful than any symphony, I could listen to it for hours on end– ”

 

Hitoshi felt his jaw clench as he took a sharp breath in.

 

“I love that you _are_ good, Hitoshi. Society has blinded itself to your true nature, to the heart that you nurture which wishes to help people despite the fact that nobody had helped you– ”

 

Hitoshi felt his body tremble slightly, but Izuku’s arm supported him just as firmly as it had before.

 

“I love the way you feel in my arms, Hitoshi. The way you trusted me to guide you for our dance, the way you look at me with your stunning eyes– no one has called you a prince, but if one bases that title on the beauty of one’s character and appearance, _you are my prince Hitoshi_ – ”

 

Hitoshi’s trembling hand unconsciously rose to cradle the side of Izuku’s face, mirroring Izuku’s own hand. His skin was soft to the touch.

 

Izuku smiled at him, and confessed, “ _I love you, Hitoshi_. So will you love me as well?”

 

Hitoshi didn’t give a second thought to his answer.

 

“ _Yes. Please love me–_ ” his voice hitched as he said those words, but he didn’t care.

 

Hitoshi pulled Izuku’s face down as he leaned his up. Their lips pressed together in a soft kiss, and Hitoshi felt unbridled joy bloom in his heart at the tender affection of it–

 

 

 

Hitoshi’s eyes opened to the darkened ceiling of his bedroom.

 

He frantically sat himself up, only to feel something wooden in his right hand as he pressed it against his mattress to support himself. His hand came up to reveal it was holding the toy nutcracker that he had placed on his shelf.

 

The nutcracker was thrown at his wall. It cracked in two and the pieces clattered onto his floor, but Hitoshi didn’t care. He was too busy crying into his hands.

 

At school that same morning, he returned the broken nutcracker to Izuku.

 

“Hitoshi-kun, are you okay?! You look like you had an awful night! Momoka-san swore that this thing was supposed to give good dreams, did it give you a nightmare instead…”

 

“No. The dream it gave… _was good._ But it was _too_ good…”

 

As Izuku looked down at the broken toy in his hands, Todoroki looked over his shoulder to examine it as well. Hitoshi forcefully reigned in the bitterness and pain he felt at the sight of the two standing so close together.

“ _Some dreams are better left undreamt._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot of the Dance of the Nutcracker Prince was based on the summary of the actual Nutcracker including the Mouse King stuff, the Prince stuff, the banquet held in the protagonist’s honor stuff, and the protagonist waking up to find that they were sleeping (so you can blame that ending on that…)


	3. Princess Shouto, Princely Polls, and Teacher Reviews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend you read this after reading chapter 33 of Children of Fate

A Rose by Any Other Name

 

 

The two princes glided across their golden ballroom gracefully. One dressed in black and white, with a deep red cloak and glimmering crown, and the other in a light blue royal attire with white accents. They danced together like it was second nature, with the taller of the two leading and leaving a beautiful, shimmering trail of ice behind them. And when the orchestra crescendoed into a grand finale– the ice prince dropped the Prince of the Crystal into a dip. He gazed into his lover’s eyes as he leaned over him.

 

Izuku brought his hand up to cradle Shouto’s face as he gave a beaming smile. “Great job, Shouto-kun! You’ve really improved a lot!”

 

Shouto blushed slightly as he gave a small smile back. He brought Izuku back up to stop their dance. “I think wearing this kind of stuff helps, actually… It makes me feel like I know what I’m doing.”

 

Izuku rolled his eyes at him. “At this point, you _do_ know what you’re doing.”

 

Shouto didn’t comment, but he eyed Izuku in a way that suggested he didn’t believe that statement.

 

Izuku just sighed and let it go, “Is there anything else you want to try? Maybe go another round?”

 

Mis-matched eyes glanced up in thought, before Shouto hummed, “I… actually have sort of a ridiculous idea I want to try. I don’t really think it will help or add to the experience but… it seems like it could be fun to do as a one-time thing.”

 

Izuku gave his boyfriend a reassuring smile. “Then go for it!”

 

And so, here Izuku was, waiting outside the changing room of Momoka’s vast and extensive costume closet. He had no idea what Shouto was changing into, but he looked _so handsome_ in that prince outfit that Izuku was looking forward to whatever it was regardless.

 

Izu-pingu was waiting beside him with Momoka in her Hand Mirror. She had a grin on her face that could rival the Cheshire Cat’s easily. Izuku wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a _really bad sign_ , because Shouto had asked her before hand if she had what he was looking for.

 

“On second thought…” Shouto’s voice sounded out form behind the curtain, “I think this is too ridiculous. I’ll just try on another prince costume or something…”

 

“No, Cinderella!” Momoka cried out in genuine despair, “You have no idea the joy you will bring to your prince! And more importantly, _I want to see you for myself!_ ” – _How very altruistic your motives are, Momoka_ – “Hold on, let me see how you look– ”

 

And with that, Izu-pingu rushed in with Momoka. Once behind the curtain, Momoka exclaimed, “My dear Shouto, what are you talking about– you look stunning! Now go to your prince!”

 

Shouto staggered out of the curtain in a way that suggested he was pushed, but Izuku’s mind lost its ability to process thoughts before he could scold Momoka for it.

 

Shouto looked down at himself. He was wearing a pristine and sparkling light blue Cinderella dress, with puffy sleeves that covered the bulk of his shoulders and a neckline that wasn’t considerably low, but still showed off the slenderness of his collarbone and neck. The puffed-up train and skirt helped to work around his lack of a slim torso that dresses were usually designed to emphasize, and the material of the dress flowed down to the floor like a shimmering waterfall.

 

Shouto’s hands, which were wearing long, white opera gloves that enhanced their elegant look and movements reached down to lift up the end of the dress so that he could walk forward. It revealed that he was wearing a set of iconic glass slippers, with a slight heel that helped him tower over Izuku even more. The crystal, white tiara on his head paired well with Izuku’s own crown. On an average person, Izuku isn’t sure this look could be pulled off without looking like a fairytale knock-off, but on Shouto– _it looked radiant_.

 

“I was thinking about trying dance in this thing just for the theme, but there’s no way I can dance in these glass monstrosities. It feels like they could break any second now…” Shouto’s silky hair swished to the side as he glanced his head up slightly to look at Izuku, and he blinked at him. “Is something wrong?”

 

Suddenly, Izuku was overcome with the need to recite a certain soliloquy – _or dialogue technically but that wasn’t the point_ – and decided to fuck it.

 

The Prince of the Crystal dropped down to one knee as he raised his hands up to his lover’s form, and declared, “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?”

 

Shouto blinked down at him. “Is that– _are you quoting Shakespeare?_ ”

 

“It is the east, and Juliet is the sun,” Izuku just continued on, projecting his voice in a grand manner, “Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.”

 

“Did you really memorize the whole balcony scene?”

 

“ _Yes_ ,” Izuku broke character for a moment before continuing, “Be not her maid since she is envious. Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!”

 

“What does that even _mean?_ ”

 

“It means he wants Juliet to cast off her virginity and fuck him– ”

 

“ _What?_ ”

 

“ –but you don’t have to worry about that. It is my lady– uh, I mean my gentleman. Oh, it is my love. Oh, that he knew he were! He speaks, yet he says nothing. What of that? His eye discourses. I will answer it— ”

 

Izuku looked away dramatically, clutching a fist to his chest. “I am too bold. ‘Tis not to me he speaks. Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, having some business, do entreat his eyes to twinkle in their spheres till they return.”

 

“Are you trying to say that I’m talking to stars? We’re _inside_ –“

 

“What if his eyes were there, they in his head? The brightness of his cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp. His eye in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night. See how he leans his cheek upon his hand.”

 

Izuku looked back up at Shouto to stare at him for a moment. Shouto caught on and leaned his head onto his hand. “Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand that I might touch that cheek!”

 

“Okay… You’ve shown an impressive amount of knowledge when it comes to Romeo and Juliet, and I suppose that _was_ romantic…”

 

“He speaks. O, speak again, bright angel!”

 

“ _It’s not done yet?_ ”

 

“For thou art as glorious to this night, being o’er my head, as is a wingèd messenger of heaven unto the white, upturned, wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-puffing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air.”

 

Finally, Shouto started to blush a faint red, looking at Izuku with adorable fondness as he fidgeted with his dress. “ …Do you really think I look like an angel?”

 

“Yes!” _This is mixing up the order of lines, but Izuku thinks it would work well–_ “By love, that first did prompt me to inquire. He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot. Yet, wert thou as far as that vast shore washed with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.”

 

“I have no idea what you just said, but I’m flattered.”

 

_Excellent unintended segue, Shouto-kun_ – “I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized. _Henceforth I never will be Romeo_ …” Izuku held out his hand, and without looking away from his love, called out, “Momoka-san!”

 

“Say no more– I know _exactly_ what you want,” Momoka chimed in with delight. Izu-pingu flashed away, then reappeared to place a small box in Izuku’s hand. He opened it to check it for himself, and seeing that the red and white gemstones glittered brilliantly in the pattern of a rose on the golden band of the ring, he found it to be up to par.

 

He spoke some lines from Juliet this time, “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”

 

From his place on one knee in front of Princess Shouto, the Prince of the Crystal held up the box and opened it, presenting the ring to him.

 

“ _Please marry me!_ ”

 

Shouto’s jaw dropped in an ungraceful manner and he stared down at his ridiculous boyfriend. “ … _Excuse me?!_ ”

 

“Please marry me!”

 

“What– Izuku… we’re literally _15 years old!_ ”

 

“Juliet was thirteen when all of the story went down and she killed herself out of her love for Romeo.”

 

“ _That is not a good example._ ”

 

“We can have a long engagement, I promise! It’s just that I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Shouto! So… _will you marry me?_ ”

 

“ …You had me at “deny thy father”, just know that we have to wait until we’ve established ourselves as pro heroes at least.”

 

“ _I love you so much!_ ”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shinsou Makes His Point

 

 

After Hitoshi and Todoroki changed back into their clothes and met up with everyone else in the 1-A boys’ designated bedroom for the camp trip, Hitoshi convinced himself that he had to put himself on the spot for the greater good of proving his point.

 

He cleared his throat, causing everyone to look at him, then announced, “Excuse me everyone who I barely know– This is sort of a weird question, but it’s for the purpose of showing Todoroki here that he and his boyfriend are actually incredibly attractive to basically everyone, so– ”

 

“What are you doing?” Todoroki questioned from next to him. Hitoshi ignored him.

 

He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “Can everyone who has ever thought that Todoroki or Midoriya would make a good boyfriend please raise their hands.”

 

Instantly, all of the girls shot a hand into the air.

 

Kaminari choked on air and paled at the sight, before giving a horrified whisper, “All of the girls are already into them? _There’s no one left for the rest of us!_ ”

 

“Kero, it’s not that I’m interested in dating them– I actually have no interest in boys,” Asui confessed in her usual frank manner, “But Todoroki-chan is very pretty and has a gentle personality, and Izu-chan is so cute and loving, that even I think they’re attractive.”

 

“Yes, it’s the same of me, actually!” Yaoyorozu pointed at the frog girl in agreement. “I prefer women, but I can still see their appeal because it’s so obvious.”

 

“ _You like girls_ – I mean,” Jirou caught herself before she could do something stupid like confess her attraction to Yaoyorozu in front of almost her entire class, “ _Same_.”

 

“It’s even worse when you _are_ interested in boys!” Uraraka held her blushing cheeks, making sure to keep her pinky fingers lifted. “I don’t have a crush on either of them, but somedays it feels like a _very, very close thing…_ ”

 

The way she glanced at Asui seemed to suggest that she was also interested in girls though. _There sure is a lot of gay and bi people in this class…_

 

“Honestly, isn’t it common sense for a girl to want a prince as a boyfriend?” Hagakure chimed in.

 

Ashido giggled, “ _Right?_ If those two invited me for a threesome, I’d take them up any day of the week!”

 

“Ah! Don’t suggest something like that!” Uraraka covered her eyes with her hands. “We’re only fifteen! _And just one is too intense already,_ _I’d die!_ ”

 

Todoroki’s face was as red as half of his hair as he gaped at the girls. But Hitoshi wasn’t finished yet–

 

“I think the girls have said their piece, so…” He eyed the boys in the class, who leaned back in apprehension. “It’s your turn guys. And don’t think you can bullshit me by saying none of you have thought of it– at least one of you must be gay so there’s just no way that’s true.”  

 

There was a moment of silence, before Bakugou roughly stuck his hand in the air. “ _Fuck it!_ I’ve known Izuku since he was a cute-ass toddler, and he’s still _fucking adorable!_ Fight me!”

 

Everyone whipped their heads around to stare at Bakugou in shock, but the dam was already broken.

 

Aoyama winked while raising his hand. “When it comes to boyfriends– _princes are the best_ ~☆ _!_ ”

 

Tokoyami hesitantly raised his hand. “I must confess, if the Prince of Hearts and Madness attempted to imprison my heart, I am certain he could do so with ease.”

 

Dark Shadow popped out of Tokoyami’s shadow to vigorously wave his claw in the air. “ **I think Midoriya-chan is cute and sweet too, so Fumikage counts as two votes!** ”

 

“Dark Shadow… you’re a bird. _And a_ _shadow demon_.”

 

“ ** _So?_ Why does that mean I can’t appreciate good boyfriend material when I see it, Fumikage?**”

 

Iida stiffly raised his hand in the air, but his face was turned away from Todoroki in embarrassment. “I am not interested in the same gender, but being friends with both Izuku-kun and Todoroki-kun can sometimes get… _intense_.”

 

“ _Same!_ ” Uraraka echoed her friend’s thought.

 

Kirishima raised his hand with an impish grin. “They’re _really_ not my type, but I can understand why people would be into them!”

 

Sero snickered, “Maybe if they cursed more at you they would be your type– _Ow!_ ” And received a hard elbow to the gut. After recovering his breath, Sero scratched his cheek and raised his hand. “They’re just _too charming_ , and Todoroki especially is really pretty, you know?”

 

Shouji raised three hands in the air. “They’re both small and cute, especially Midoriya.” _Everyone is small compared to you, big guy…_

 

Kouda silently raised his hand, rubbing the back of his head and giving an embarrassed smile.

 

Satou raised his hand. “They just seem like they would treat me right!”

 

Ojiro raised his hand and tail into the air. “I’m strictly into girls, but Midoriya seems like he would make a cute, bubbly boyfriend, and Todoroki is just… _too pretty_.” _That first part sounded like he’s got a specific type… or maybe a specific person in mind. How many crushes are going on in this class?_

 

“Wow… Am I the only guy in this class that’s completely straight– ”

 

“Don’t try to pull that no homo shit sparky, I saw you staring at half ‘n’ half’s ass the other day! And earlier today you were checking out zombie over there!” – _Zombie? Is that supposed to be Hitoshi? He’s just going to ignore that…_

 

“Todoroki just has a really good-looking ass and Shinsou’s just good-looking in general, okay?! My eyes made themselves wander!”

 

“ _Still counts dumbass!_ ”

 

Todoroki looked like he was about to pass out now, so Hitoshi gave his concluding statement, “So if you’re counting me and Dark Shadow, and excluding you and Midoriya, that means that 19 out of 19 of your classmates find either you or Midoriya attractive. I guess I was wrong when I bet that half of your class thinks you and Izuku are prime boyfriend material– _because literally your entire class does_.”

 

Hitoshi slapped his hand onto Todoroki’s shoulder, who didn’t even look at him. He was just staring into the void with incomprehension. “ _Enjoy this new revelation!_ ”

 

Hidden on the other side of the room’s door, class 1-A’s homeroom teacher quietly screamed into his hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

End of the Term Teacher Reviews, AKA Midoriya’s Excuse for Unfiltered Criticism

 

 

Shouta had given his students a simple assignment to do over the weekend before they return from summer break. After the end of every school term, it was customary for students to fill out anonymous reviews on all of their teachers to give feedback to them on what they thought the teachers were doing right and what they thought the teachers were doing wrong. These reviews were only optional, but Shouta promised extra credit to those who completed them so that they wouldn’t be left with zero feedback.

 

Even with that though, usually the reviews were simple things; _Explains well but too much homework. Doesn’t expand enough of complicated topics._ And for Shouta in particular, _Bad attitude._ Those were the types of short feedback the forms usually gave them.

 

He should’ve realized that things wouldn’t be so simple for his _I-hand-out-existential-crises-like-candy_ problem child.

 

When Midoriya turned in his assignment with a smile of confidence on his face, the shortest one was admittedly a few lines long– but it was for Power Loader, _who Midoriya does not have as a regular teacher, why did he fill out a review for him_? And the longest one was _10 pages long_.

 

Shouta was about to decline the assignment out of principle, until he saw that the 10-page review was for _All Might_. He couldn’t help but skim through it a little.

 

_It is clear that All Might has an abundance of experience when it comes to hands-on hero work and is very knowledgeable about the subject. However, he lacks the teaching techniques needed to fully transmit his knowledge to his students. He assumes that practical work will be capable of conveying the skills and lessons he wants to teach, but fails to understand that practicing one’s knowledge only comes after a foundation has been set. This foundation would be better built through more conventional classwork and straightforward teaching–_

 

Shouta looked back up to Midoriya, who did not call him out on reading what was supposed to be an anonymous review, and added his forms to the rest of the pile.

 

“Full credit.”

 

Midoriya smiled even brighter. He seemed to be completely unaware of the chaos he was about to unleash on his teachers, but _surely he must know, right?_

 

It may be cruel of Shouta to accept Midoriya’s reviews, but at this point he has _had it_ with All Might’s poor teaching ability. If he has to destroy the mental security of the rest of his coworkers to shove the man’s poor teaching in his face– _then so be it_.

 

Shouta only realized the fatal flaw in his logic after receiving his own collection of reviews –with the names of the students removed– and noticing that within the pile of 1-page forms, there was a single _5-page long review_.

 

“Shouta!” Hizashi called to him from across the teacher’s lounge where he just entered, waving a bunch of papers in the air, “Why did you accept Izuku’s teacher reviews?! _Are you trying to kill us?!_ ”

 

 It was clear that his husband was upset with his decision. And upon realizing that the extra-long reviews were all Midoriya’s, the other first year teachers for 1-A all turned to stare despondently at Shouta. _Guess he has to reap what he sowed…_

 

“Reading Midoriya’s criticism won’t kill you, _probably_. And isn’t he supposed to be your favorite? You should be glad to hear what he has to say.”

 

Hizashi pointed at one of the pages Midoriya presumably wrote him. “But he says that I have to make _Shinsou_ my favorite now!”

 

Shouta blinked at him in total confusion. “What– _Why? What kind of request is that to put in a teacher review?_ ”

 

“He said that it’s important for both parents to have a solid relationship with their child even if they prefer one over the other. But that’s not important– _when were you going to tell me we’re adopting your trainee?!_ ”

 

Shouta slapped his hand over his face.

 

“I haven’t decided on _anything_ concerning that– Midoriya’s just jumping the gun.”

 

“ _But you’re considering it?!_ ”

 

“Shouta… Hizashi…” In normal circumstances, Shouta would be thankful that Nemuri interrupted this train wreck of a conversation, but her tone sounded like that of a lost child. He looked over to see her staring incomprehensively at a 7-page long review. _This is more of Midoriya’s handy-work at play_. “Does my behavior when it comes to the students truly come off as “predatory” and “distasteful”? I’ve always thought it was clear I was only teasing them…”

 

_Oh good, this was something Shouta actually wanted her to fix–_ “Occasionally, yes. It’s fine to admire their youth or whatever, but please make it less fetishy.”

Hizashi walked up to stand beside Shouta and nod with a frown. “There’s a difference with being open with your sexual nature and acting sexually towards the students. You sometimes go over that line.”

 

“Why has no one ever told me this before?!”

 

“Because we thought it was obvious?” Snipe interjected, “It’s not rocket science!”

 

“But still!”

 

Without warning, Power Loader suddenly slammed his head onto the table. “ _Why?! Why would he do this to me?!_ ”

 

Shouta sighed in exasperation, “What did Midoriya’s review say, Power Loader?”

 

“It wasn’t actually a review– _it was a warning!_ ” Power Loader cried, it sounded like actual tears might be coming out of his eyes from behind his mask, “He said that Hatsume forced him to show her the Workshop where his Teddydrums are fixed and the Teddy Bombs are made, and now there’s a good chance that girl will be making _teddy bear-shaped bombs_ in the future!”

 

Power Loader brought his hand up and under his mask and – _yeah, he was definitely crying_. “She already blows up the support department workshop on a regular basis. _She doesn’t need to be making actual bombs!_ This is horrible! My budget is disappearing into repair bills before my eyes!”

 

“I guess it’s good to know that I wasn’t the only teacher that doesn’t teach 1-A who got a review from him…” Hound Dog whined similar to the way a dog whines, scratching his chin with a sharp finger-nail. He held up a bunch of papers and _really? Hound Dog too, Midoriya?_ “Basically, he said that we need to take a more proactive stance on student mental and emotional health.”

 

Hound Dog looked down at the ground looking much like a kicked puppy despite his tall, bulky stature. “He also said that I’m too “intimidating” for nervous or troubled students to come to with their personal problems, and that I should work to make myself more approachable…”

 

_Ouch…_ “I actually got that critique from him too,” Shouta commiserated with the counselor.

 

And hadn’t that _hurt_ to read– Midoriya had essentially told him that while his tough-love teaching was fine, it was at the cost that some of his students might be under the impression that he genuinely doesn’t care about them. Leading to cases like Todoroki’s or Shinsou’s never coming to light because they thought that _Shouta wouldn’t care_.

 

_Reap what he sowed indeed…_

 

From within the little corner of misery that he had been sitting in this whole time, the deflated All Might finally gave signs of life in the form of a depressed sigh. “You know… maybe I’m just not cut out to be a teacher?”

 

_Oh for love of_ – “What did he say, All Might?”

 

“He said– ” All Might stopped speaking involuntarily, as those his next words were so horrifying that he could hardly speak them aloud, “He said that– _I teach like Momoka-san does!_ ” 

 

There as a clear split in reactions from the collection of teachers; Those who were blissfully ignorant to Momoka’s existence and were confused. And those who had the misfortune to meet Momoka or hear about her “teaching” exploits from Midoriya, and thus gave a shared winced and hiss through their teeth. As it happened, the second group was only made up of Hizashi and himself.

 

“Wow, that’s… That might be the largest insult to someone’s teaching ability that I’ve ever heard…” Hizashi admitted in sympathy.

 

“But it makes sense…” Shouta nodded to himself, fully understanding the truth of his student’s words. “I mean, _Basic Hero Training without basic training?_ Clearly you had this coming.”

 

All Might let out a distressed wail as his skinny neck slammed the man’s face down onto the table in front of him.

 

“So everyone,” Nedzu entered room cheerfully up-beat, unaware that all of 1-A’s teachers and two extras were going through their own separate crises, “how are those end of the year reviews?”

 

All Might let out another wail, and then started to literally sob into the desk his face was still planted on.

 

_Maybe this really_ was _worth all the trouble Shouta went through?_

 

“Sorry Nedzu, but I need to have a serious discussion with Shouta first!” Hizashi declared, then sat himself right next to Shouta to have their “serious discussion” in front of everyone without a care in the world.

 

“So, I know that you said you haven’t decided on anything, but personally I like the idea. You’ve been subtly fawning over that kid since you took him on– So let’s become parents! **YEAH!** ”

 

_Never mind. This was not worth it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References from this chapter:  
> Everything that is obviously Shakespeare is Shakespeare


	4. The Reason the Prince of the Crystal and Mr. Compress Weren’t Allowed to Meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend reading this after reading Children of Fate chapter 37

“Release the ones still here, we need to see who we got.”

 

Compress snapped his fingers without a word, and all of the contents of the marbles in the field were released. Shouji and the bird head student, who popped up from the marble he just grabbed, were partially crushed under the giant teddy bear robot that popped up from the marble Shouji had been holding in a separate hand.

 

Midoriya Izuku popped into existence from Shouto’s marble. Kneeling on the ground, Shouto caught the other boy in his arms, and Midoriya blinked rapidly as he looked around the clearing disoriented.

 

Dabi made a step towards their top priority target, right hand blazing and intending to make a last-ditch effort to catch the boy despite their low odds. But then, Shouto turned his head up towards Dabi, cradling Midoriya in his arms.

 

And that position… that look on his face…

 

_“Stop it, please! He’s only five years old!”_

_That look on his face was exactly the same as the desperate, despairing one Touya saw on his mother’s whenever she tried in vain to protect Shouto from his father_

 

Dabi only hesitated for a moment, but a moment was all–

 

“Midoriya Izuku, I don’t suppose you’d be willing to consider coming along with us willingly, would you?”

 

–Mr. Compress needed to start fucking monologuing again, apparently. _Did this fucking bitch learn_ nothing _from what just happened?_

 

Midoriya gave Compress the kind of face that question deserved; one that conveyed how utterly baffled and annoyed he was with the man. “Uh– _no?_ Why would I willingly let myself get kidnapped?!”

 

“I suppose it’s illogical from your point of view, but the way I see it this is an opportunity to broaden your horizons!” Compress spread out his arms in wide gesture as though they were meant to encompass the entire world. “You are a young man who is trying to realize your full potential, but the hero industry’s restrictive confinement to the norms of society will impede your journey. In comparison, the world of villainy will provide you with a must broader stages that allows more creativity– I only wish to show you the view from that stage.”

 

Compress forcefully pointed at the still baffled Midoriya to finish with, “ _Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them_. Only fools would ignore one whole side of the world as a possible path to follow! You should at least consider the kind of greatness you would achieve.”

 

_Great. Now He’s speaking in famous quotes that are vaguely recognizable enough for Dabi to know, but also not know who he’s actually quoting. That’s fucking pretentious stuck-up speaking 101 right there…_

But that also seemed to bring Midoriya out of his confusion. Suddenly the boy collected himself, unconsciously straightening his posture even while he was still in Shouto’s arms to stare steadily at the masked villain. His response was equally composed, but also projected with a strong, unwavering voice, “ _Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit_. Don’t you think just hoping that a UA heroics student would take that kind of bait is naïve?”

 

_That… also sounded like a quote. What…_

 

“Oh ho! You’re familiar with Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, how splendid!” Compress sounded incredibly pleased, placing his right hand over his chest, “But is it really naïve to believe that anyone has the potential to fall into evil? Villains are born from the same humanity that heroes are, so _everyone_ has that potential! _If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?_ ”

 

Midoriya’s eyes were starting to shift from a cold neutral, to possessing a spark of interest. However, Dabi had the sinking feeling that the interest was _not_ interest in trying out villainy. “Don’t think you can win me over just by citing Shakespeare. _The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose._ ”

 

Compress nodded energetically in approval as he chimed, “Merchant of Venice as well. I should have expected that– let’s switch things up! Aren’t you underestimating the strength of the collar society will shackle you with as a hero? There’s no chance you’ll be free to control how or why you do things, because you can only do what they permit you to. You may even have to do things which you personally consider to be evil. _No man is free who is not master of himself_. ”

 

“ _Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control._ Regardless of whether I am a hero, a villain, or a civilian, I would still be bound by society. If you think you’re truly free of it just because you’re rejecting the law– that’s just because you haven’t been put in prison yet.”

 

“So you know Epictetus, most excellent! How are you with other philosophers? _It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it._ ”

 

“ _Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all._ Aren’t you decreasing in difficulty by going from Epictetus to Aristotle? He’s much more well known.”

 

“I know, but I just couldn’t help myself. _To see with one’s own eyes, to feel and judge without succumbing to the suggestive power of the fashion of the day, to be able to express what one has seen and felt in a trim sentence or even in a cunningly wrought word – is that not glorious? Is it not a proper subject for congratulation?_ ”  

 

“That’s a good one, most people don’t think about how Einstein avidly supported more about humanity than their sciences– _If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairytales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairytales._ But also…”

 

Midoriya kept his gaze firmly on Compress’s mask, as though he could see through it into the man’s eyes, as he spoke, “ _I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way_.”

 

Moving to look down at his own chest, the boy grasped at it with his right hand, over where the heart would be.

 

“ _Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost…”_

 

Dabi winced while leaning away from his co-worker when Compress positively _squealed_ , “ _Charlie Chapin!_ Could it be– were you able to see my admiration for that man’s work so easily?! I hadn’t even started on actors or media!” He leaned forward in excitement.

 

Midoriya lost his serious demeanor as he gave a pleased grin. “I just figured, you know? It’s clear that entertainers would be your favorites over everyone else, and Charlie Chaplin was just so influential. Of course, I think a magician like Harry Houdini still would’ve been preferred by you over him, but I like Chaplin’s work better.”

 

“No shame in that! Houdini’s work lies in what is seen more than the words that he spoke. But to have the so much of the speech from The Great Dictator memorized, you must know the entire thing by heart! And that delivery was _perfect_ – if being a pro hero doesn’t work out for you, you should go into acting! Haha!”

 

“Oh, I can do speeches well, but I don’t think my acting is that strong…”

 

“Nonsense! It’s clear you know what you’re doing when it comes to presenting your image, acting isn’t so different from that. It’s the same as how it would be if you became a different kind of performer, such as a magician or comedian. It’s the same skill, just a different flavor of it!”

 

_What the hell is going on here?_

 

“Oh my God…” the brainwashing student, Shinsou, looked back and forth between the two in wide-eyed horror, “Is this villain… _like an evil version of Izuku with the prince theme swapped out for a magician theme?_ ”

 

_…What?_

 

Midoriya glanced over to Shinsou with a curious tilt to his head. “Do you really thing we’re that similar?”

 

Shinsou gave Midoriya a _look_. “The two of you managed to have an entire conversation solely through _recognizing quotes and quoting back at each other_. And he’s trying to get inside your head like you do to other people all the time.”

 

“That’s not such a difficult task. Many interested in the arts would know those famous figures at least!” Compress declared, and it was telling that this situation was getting so out of hand that Shinsou didn’t think to prepare for brainwashing Compress. Instead he stared at the man with exasperation that Dabi was sure was also on his own face.

 

“That’s right,” Midoriya agreed while nodding seriously, and _holy crap the mind control kid was absolutely right_. “In any case, my focus is more on literature and philosophy, while I’m guessing he is more about the performative arts and show business.”

 

“That would be correct. But I do appreciate good literature as well– being well rounded is important for inspiring ingenuity!” Compress nodded back. “Classical literature is especially something that should be given the recognition it deserves because it inspired so much future work.”

 

Midoriya continued nodding and closed his eyes in thought. “Nothing beats those original stories that paved the way for many to follow. Though there is a bit of a disconnect between Eastern and Western literature, I have to confess that a particular type from the West is my favorite…”

 

“Same here, because when it comes to the classics one kind stands above the rest…”

 

The two declared in dissonant unison–

 

“ _Folklore and fairytales!_ ”

 

“ _Greek classics!_ ”

 

…

 

“ …Greek classics?” Midoriya stopped nodding, turning towards Compress to raise an eyebrow at him, “I mean– they’re good to know and have their place, but no matter how you look at it, something like the Grimm Fairytales is more important to current day storytelling and media.”

 

“ …Surely that must be a jest,” Compress had also stopped nodding to turn his masked face toward the child they were supposed to be kidnapping, “Greek tragedies and comedies set the ground work for the major thematic and character tropes used to this day. Not to mention they maintained their own high standard of intellectual quality– fairytales, while being iconic and stylistically distinct, are simply idle fantasies.”

 

“Idle fantasies?!” Midoriya exclaimed in offense, a frown marring his face, “Fairytales were one of the first ways people used to convey important life messages to children, and the way they were passed down let them be accessible to everyone in society, especially the poor common folk. Greek classics were all built around educational oligarchies that excluded the young and women!”

 

“That has nothing to do with the art itself!” Compress protested, gesturing a tense had towards Midoriya, “And while accessibility is important, that still doesn’t make up for the difference in quality!”

 

“Accessibility is _everything!_ How can everyone know about a story if only certain people are allowed to read it? Also, how can you say that fairytales are low quality?! They’re much more compelling in terms of creativity and verbal delivery– just because they aren’t made with complicated plots or prose doesn’t mean they don’t have their own type of quality!”

 

“That’s the excuse everyone gives for _sub-par_ quality! Art that gives up excellence for the sake of something as mediocre as relatability can never be _truly excellent!_ ”

 

“You just can’t respect works that excel in the aspects of art that you don’t personally care for because you can’t get your head out of your “ _sub-par_ ” magic kit enough to see that your opinion isn’t all that matters in the world! And that’s why you’re a villain in the first place instead of doing something _actually productive_ with your life! _A magician is only an actor– an actor pretending to be a magician!_ ”

 

“ _Oh, don’t you_ dare _quote Houdini against me you upstart brat!_ I can’t believe I formed an actual connection with you for a moment there, you’re nothing but a waste of potential!”

 

“I can’t believe I actually wasted my time on speaking to you for more than five minutes! _This friendship is over!_ ”

 

“ _Agreed!_ ”

 

 _No seriously– what the hell is even going on here?! Is Dabi on a kidnapping mission employed by an evil organization of villains or is he in the fucking twilight zone?! Where kidnapping victims make friends with the villain who tried to kidnap them because they are_ too fucking alike _, only to stop being friends once there is exactly_ one _minuscule difference between their opinions?!_

 

At least Dabi was content in knowing that he wasn’t the only one lost in this twilight zone. The six-armed kid, the bird kid, and the robot all haven’t even bothered moving out of the pile they were in, being too preoccupied in staring at the illogical soap opera going on right in front of them. Kurogiri has forgone reminding Dabi and Compress that they need to leave _right the fuck now_ in favor of watching in utter confusion as one of the villains of their organization made friends with their target. Eraserhead was still busy with the Nomu but looked like he was seriously considering just giving up and letting the creature kill him, so he must have been listening in. And of course, the mind control kid was still watching the proceedings in exasperated horror.

 

Shouto, having had a prime seat to the madness from his place holding Midoriya, glanced between the two of them in bewilderment. “Is the difference between fairytales and Greek classics really so important?”

 

 _Thank you, Shouto, for completely ignoring what is_ actually wrong _about this situation to fucking fixate on the bullshit argument that they’re having. If only Dabi could purposefully ignore his life problems to the same extent that his youngest brother somehow managed to achieve with his natural, blissful social awkwardness and ignorance…_

 

“It’s not really the difference between fairytales and Greek classics that’s important so much as what that difference implies,” Midoriya explained kindly, “It’s like… the difference between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie– I actually appreciate when a work of art can actually be enjoyed by everyday people, and Compress is a _fucking elitist_ who only cares about _pretentious high-brow shit_. Just based on that we’re entirely incompatible.”

 

Compress interrupted, hands placed on his hips to show his defiance, “I am not an _elitist_. You’re just dumbing yourself down to consume the same garbage that unrefined _mainstream_ media synthesizes without any thought to presentation or writing for the sake of profiting off the masses! But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised if _this_ is the level of the company you keep with…”

 

Like a flip had been switched, the look on Midoriya’s face suddenly shifted from slightly humorous offense to what Dabi could only describe as “ _I may be a hero-in-training and a teenager, but I_ will _murder you if you press me any further_ ”.

 

“What the _fuck_ did you just imply about my boyfriend? The sun rises every day just so it can look upon Shouto’s beautiful face, and you _dare_ to suggest that _he’s dumb?!_ ”

 

Dabi immediately lost the ability to process thoughts. Mind blanked of everything except–

 

“You– _You have a boyfriend now Shouto?!_ You’re dating? An actual person? _Before I am?!_ ” Dabi stared down at his brother, trying to comprehend that he was actually 15 years old and not the 10-year-old that Touya had last seen him as and _yes that should’ve been obvious, but it wasn’t until the word_ boyfriend _had been spoken that Dabi truly understood that_ _because how could his baby brother have beaten him in his love life? What a fucking embarrassment Dabi is–_

 

“Why… do you care about that? And why are you referring to me so personally?” Shouto just looked more confused by his questioning.

 

 _Shit. Now_ Dabi’s _the stupid bitch that can’t keep his mouth shut too_.

 

“I don’t care,” he said, like he was a damn tsundere, “I’m… just trying to get inside your head, you know, to mess with you. Villains do that a lot.” _Oh, that wasn’t totally fake_ at all. _You fucking nailed it, Dabi, there’s_ no way _these people aren’t convinced by your sub-par lie…_

 

Shouto squinted at him for a moment, before asking, “ …Are you actually my long-lost older brother or something?”

 

_…God fucking damn Shouto and his fucking conspiracy theories. A theory like that shouldn’t be correct! Dammit!_

 

Shouto took his silence as confirmation. His mismatched eyes widened as he examined Dabi and exclaimed, “ _Touya?!_ ”

 

It was then that Dabi decided he was _done_.

 

Turning his back, he started walking into the warp gate behind him. “We’re just going to have to settle for second best… Nomu, disengage. We’re leaving.”

 

“What– hold on a second! Is he right?!” Compress questioned vehemently whipping his masked face from Shouto to Dabi, as though he wasn’t the _fucking start of this whole problem_. “Truly?! Doesn’t that make you Endeavor’s– ”

 

“Leaving. _NOW_.”

 

_This is the last time Dabi joins a league of villains that includes a man who gives soliloquies like it was second nature…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry but I don’t have the will to list out where each quote comes from, there are too many because Mr. Compress and Izuku both talk too much… But the two of them mention who each comes from anyway so you should be fine though! All the quotes are given in pairs, so the first two are from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, the next two are from Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice, and etc, until Izuku does the huge speech by Charlie Chaplin and that one quote from Houdini.


	5. Just a Day in the Life of the Takakura Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder to those seeing this before the next CoF chapter, since I'm changing up my posting schedule to update every other week the chapter won't come until next week. For this first waiting period, I thought I'd give you something to keep you occupied in the meantime ;)

It had been many years since his sister’s creation had awakened, and All for One had gotten used to the man’s behavior and thought process.

 

Even during the very beginning when Kurogiri had first emerged from his crystal shell, he had been an intelligent individual. Despite All for One’s initial worries, in terms of emotional maturity and logic Kurogiri had been at the same level as a regular adult, and he already came with basic knowledge for reading, writing, mathematics, and more – _about the same level as an elementary-schooler, which suggested the internalized information was derived from what knowledge Momoka possessed. It was quite fascinating, really_ – It was relatively easy to complete his education, since Kurogiri did everything “his master” asked of him without complaint.

 

Admittedly, lying to Kurogiri that he had been the one to create him wasn’t a proud moment for All for One – _for Sanetoshi_ – who vividly remembered how Momoka wouldn’t even consider letting her brother take charge over Kurogiri without exacting promises that he wouldn’t be used. All for One was certain that, had Momoka still been alive, she would have been absolutely furious with him.

 

_But she wasn’t here anymore, which was why he had considered doing that in the first place. Promises are only important in that breaking them will hurt the one being promised to– if Momoka isn’t here to feel hurt over this, then there’s no reason for All for One to keep that promise. It’s not like Kurogiri was_ literally _her child after all…_  

 

It was truly too good of an opportunity to pass up. Kurogiri’s quirk was incredibly useful, and because All for One had been by Kurogiri when he had awoken and was able to give him his name, the man had already assumed that he was involved in creating him. And it was clear just how much Kurogiri revered him for this assumption. All for One knew that Momoka had intended for Kurogiri to be like a normal human being, but it seemed that some of the characteristics her non-human creations had were also in Kurogiri, and the most notable of these characteristics was unconditionally, unfettered _loyalty_.

 

_Which made sense… With how much Momoka had feared being left alone, she most likely unconsciously wished for every creation she made to_ not leave her _. She had tried to make a human being that was completely free to do what they wished in the world, independent of her. But on the inside, what she had really wanted was someone that would want to stay with her_.

 

_–In a way, it made All for One’s willingness to take advantage of Kurogiri’s loyalty by transferring it to himself even worse. To use a child’s pure-hearted wish to be loved in such a way could only be considered an evil deed. He might have been ashamed of himself if he hadn’t already been aiming to become a Symbol of Evil–_

 

Of course, All for One couldn’t rely on something as _unreliable_ as the belief that Kurogiri’s loyalty would last forever. He presented the narrative that Kurogiri wasn’t a “real person” because he was an artificially made being, but the truth was that All for One didn’t care one way or another whether Kurogiri technically qualified as being a human being or not. He just acted like Kurogiri wasn’t because it made it easier to emphasize to Kurogiri the importance of his self-proclaimed creator.

 

If Kurogiri believed that he was made for the purpose of serving his master, like how a robot was made to serve their creator, then All for One could brush away commonly desired things that were “human rights”, such as freewill. This turned Kurogiri from simply being loyal to All for One to feeling obligated on a deep, personal level to stay obedient to him, which is exactly what All for One wanted.

 

But overall, while Kurogiri had acted like a naturally matured adult most of the time, his inexperience with the world and curiosity towards it was what had reminded All for One of how young he actually was during the time before he had lived long enough to match how old he physically appeared. And this curiosity was a trait that Kurogiri had carried with him even after reaching that point.

 

That was why he would still occasionally ask All for One questions like this…

 

“I apologize for bothering you about such a pointless matter, sir, but I was wondering… Was it troublesome for you to bring me into this world?”

 

“ _Troublesome?_ What do you mean by that exactly?” All for One glanced up from the report he was reading to look into the glowing eyes of his faithful subordinate.

 

“Well, occasionally people will mention how the circumstances of when they were born or when their children were born brought problems with it,” Kurogiri explained in a neutral tone, “While I understand my own creation must have been very different from the process of natural birth, I thought that perhaps there might have been other sorts of difficulties you had to deal with.”

 

_“Difficulties he had to deal with”…_

_Well, that was one way of putting it._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sanetoshi knew that though Momoka had agreed to let him watch over the newly named Kurogiri during his slumber, she had still not forgotten that he wasn’t taking her claim that Kurogiri was her “child” seriously. Not to mention how she had scolded him for not taking the “importance of life” seriously. So really, he should have realized that she would try to make trouble for him from the moment they stepped out of her world.

 

Momoka had transported both Kurogiri in his crystal shell and Sanetoshi to the living room of their home, and Sanetoshi had wasted precious time trying to figure out _how the hell_ he was supposed to explain this situation to their brother. Time which Momoka had spent walking to the kitchen to where said brother was.

 

She called out, with a tone that sounded like a younger sibling telling a parent that their older sibling was stealing a cookie before dinner…

 

“Shouma nii-san, Sanetoshi nii-san had me make a child for him!”

 

Sanetoshi felt his heart stop for a moment, and a small piece of himself died inside as his brain immediately made the obvious and _disgusting_ implication of what that sounded like.

 

A crash resounded from the kitchen right in synch with his thought process.

 

Struck by the urgency of the situation, Sanetoshi ran to the doorway that connected the living room and the kitchen. He peered in to see the shards of a broken plate scattered across the tile of their kitchen and Shouma staring in wide-eyed shock at Momoka. When Shouma caught sight of him, his shocked expression turned to into a blank stare of intense focus that Sanetoshi wouldn’t have recognized if he himself hadn’t occasionally given that look to _people he was about to kill_ –

 

“ _Using her quirk!_ ” Sanetoshi exclaimed as fast as humanly possible, “I wanted to see if she could make a person _using her quirk!_ He’s her _creation_ not her actual child– he’s not even a child, he’s a full-grown man! There was absolutely nothing _biological_ involved! He’s right over there– see!” He moved out of the way of Shouma’s view of the living room to forcefully point at the evidence of his innocence.

 

Shouma stared at Kurogiri for a few seconds before his body seemed to release some invisible tension. “I see… So nothing _like that_ happened, Momoka just made someone with her quirk– I see,” Shouma spoke in a carefully even tone while placing a knife back down on the counter next to him – _When did he even pick that up?!_

 

“That’s right, I made Kurogiri with my quirk! But he’s still my child!” Momoka innocently declared, as though she hadn’t realized the implication of what she just said. But Sanetoshi knew that she was a _liar_.   

 

“Were you _trying_ to get me killed?! Also, I could have gone my whole life without hearing such a distasteful comparison for these circumstances!” he grumbled at her. She just childishly stuck her tongue out at him. _One day he’ll have to learn that there’s no point in fighting with an elementary schooler, but that day is not today._

 

“I see– Well, that’s better than what I thought, but _what the fuck Sanetoshi?_ Why would you ask Momoka to make a person?!” Shouma gave him an incredulous look, anger furrowing his brow.

 

_Oh dear, on to the next round._ “It’s like I said– ”

 

“ _Wanting to see if she could_ is not a good reason for telling your _9-year-old sister_ to make a _human being!_ I know you compared her to _God_ before, but _she’s not actually God!_ ”

 

Sanetoshi winced a bit as Shouma’s voice rose in pitch and volume. He judged this to be a losing battle, but still, he tried in vain to defend himself, “I _know_ that, but it’s important to know the limitations of one’s quirk! And she made him because she _wanted_ to– ”

 

“ _Did you or did you not_ ask her to do it in the first place?”

 

“ …I did.”

 

“ _Then you can’t use that as an excuse!_ ” Shouma out right yelled at him, swatting Sanetoshi’s chest with the dish cloth he had been using to dry the dishes, “You’re a fucking genius and an adult, _you should know better!_ ”

 

Sanetoshi tried to retreat from the range of the damp dish cloth, but found that the door to the living room had already been closed. He tried to open the door, but found that it was stuck. Momoka was missing – _She never fails when it comes to smart ways to prolong her spiteful revenge when she was displeased with someone. Sanetoshi would be proud if he wasn’t the target of it so frequently_.

 

“I don’t understand what the big deal is anyway– ”

 

“The big deal is that you’re treating our sister’s quirk like it’s something for you to do _experiments_ on! And that you have no respect for the sanctity of life!”

 

_The_ “sanctity of life” _– honestly, what does that even_ mean?

 

Shouma read the dismissal that must be showing on Sanetoshi’s face, and glared at him. “What about that did you not like, the experiment part or the respect life part?!”

 

“I understand that treating Momoka’s quirk lightly and infringing on the way she personally interacts with it is… not something I should do, because it means that I’m not respecting her. But the creation or death of life isn’t something that’s _special_. It happens every day at ridiculous rates, one more added life doesn’t make any difference.” _Just as added deaths don’t make any difference either._

 

Shouma frowned at him, before sighing, “I know that it’s challenging for you to feel empathy for other people. But you don’t need empathy to just do the right thing when you can recognize it…”

 

It seemed like his brother’s frustration was beginning to die down, so Sanetoshi felt relieved hope that this scolding would end soon.

 

When Shouma pulled him over to the kitchen table to sit him down in front of Shouma’s laptop, and opened a _powerpoint presentation of all things_ , he realized that making assumptions was _stupid_.

 

“That’s why I made a presentation to explain the basics of morality, ethics, and human rights to you. I know three hours is a lot to sit through for a lecture, but I know you can handle that like it’s nothing!”

 

_Oh dear God–_ “Little Shouma, please… _have mercy_.”

 

“This _is_ my mercy, _Sanetoshi_.”

 

_Hope is nothing more than an illusion that lures people into a false sense of security, so that it may strike them down at their weakest moment. What a fool he was…_

 

Thus, Sanetoshi endured three hours of forcefully being taught ethics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ …All for One, sir, are you alright? It’s been a while since you’ve responded.”

 

Sanetoshi– _All for One_ was suddenly roused from his vivid and traumatic flashback. He looked back towards where Kurogiri was looking over him in worry. “Ah, it’s no problem Kurogiri; I was just reminiscing. As for the answer to your question…”

 

He steepled his hands, looking over them to give Kurogiri a serious look. “ _Yes_ , I faced many troubles upon your creation.”

 

“Is that so… I’m sorry to have burdened you, then. What troubles did you encounter though?”

 

This is where he had to start fudging the truth. “I was heavily scolded for creating you.”

 

“ _Scolded?_ By _who?_ ”

 

“My brother and– ”

 

_Oh that’s right, he’s been avoiding mentioning his sister before out of paranoia that mentioning her would awaken some residual knowledge about her that Kurogiri may have been imparted with. It wouldn’t do any good if Kurogiri realized that Momoka was his actual creator._

 

The key to lying is to be able to think of impromptu answers in response to changing situations at a moment’s notice, so All for One finished his sentence with as natural a pace as he could. Unfortunately – _in a brilliantly stupid move reminiscent of something his brother would do_ – long-lasting word association with Momoka’s name caused his brain to spit out the automatic answer of–

 

“ –and God.” 

 

“Is that so– Eh? Wait… _God_ scolded you?! _You’re saying you’ve actually spoken to God?! God exists?!_ ”

 

_Shit. That wasn’t what he wanted to say._

 

But it was too late to take it back, what was he supposed to say? _Sorry, I just randomly responded God for no reason?_ That would be the same as admitting to making a dumb mistake, and All for One didn’t make _mistakes_ – Sanetoshi did, but not All for One. He was supposed to be _better_ than mistakes.

 

That’s why instead of admitting that perhaps he had made a poor choice once or twice in his life, he made hills that he stuck to stubbornly and eventually died on.

 

– _He would later realize that his choice of metaphor for that was also a poor choice on his part_ –

 

That was why he doubled down on his lie and answered, “That’s correct, I have spoken to God before.”

 

“Are you serious?!” Kurogiri narrowed his eyes in obvious skepticism, because no creation of Momoka’s would ever be something that All for One would consider stupid.

 

But that didn’t deter him from sticking through this– he knew that when it came to bullshitting, confidence was everything. If a person boldly lied that they thought the sky was green instead of blue, as long as they stuck to it and weren’t swayed by the people arguing that the sky was, in fact, _blue_ , then those very same people would eventually start to think, _“maybe they_ do _actually see the sky as being green?”_

 

“Yes. It’s not that unusual, really. I’m sure you have occasionally heard stories of people seemingly receiving messages from whatever force governs this universe. I’ve also had an experience like that.”

 

“Is– Is that so…”

 

Kurogiri looked like he didn’t know how to respond to such an absurd claim. He was much too deferent to All for One to call him a liar to his face, so instead, he seemed to just go with it. His voice pitched up in disbelief as he asked, “Then… _you’re saying that God scolded you for making me?_ ”

 

All for One pretended to not see Kurogiri’s doubt, and gave the flat response of, “That’s correct.”

 

“Really now.”

 

“How many times are you going to force me to repeat myself, Kurogiri?” All for One drawled with a tad of warning annoyance in his voice.

 

“Ah– my mistake! I apologize for needling you.”

 

_And with that, the lie has been accepted. Even if Kurogiri still believed him to be lying, he couldn’t pursue trying to get his master to admit that. Therefore, he had to just accept the lie as All for One’s final answer._

 

“I forgive you, Kurogiri. I understand that something like that is hard to believe for people that haven’t experienced it themselves.”

 

“R-Right…” Then, Kurogiri glanced away from All for One to gaze at the ground. “But if that’s the case… did God not want me to be brought into this world?”

 

_Oh dear. If Kurogiri kept talking like that, All for One feared the possibility that his sister may rise from the grave just to punish him for giving Kurogiri such an impression._

 

– _Again, he would later realize that his choice of exaggeration was an_ extremely poor choice–

 

All for One just decided to keep his internal logic of Momoka being God in this situation to keep the lie going. “That’s not the case at all. Actually, God was very glad that you were made.”

 

Kurogiri seemed to furrow his non-existent eyebrows at All for One. “But if that was the case, then why would God scold you?”

 

“Because I hadn’t taken your creation seriously enough, in her opinion,” All for One tried to explain, “God found your life to be very precious, and didn’t believe that I was giving it enough importance. Therefore, God scolded me.”

 

“ …So _God is a girl?_ ”

 

_Shit._

_Another hill for him to die on, it was like he was channeling Shouma or_ All Might _with all his thoughtless responses today–_

 

“That’s correct, technically.” It was time to _really_ bring on the bullshit now…

 

“You see, the impression that God is a man is merely a construct of our male-dominated society. The patriarchy wished to enforce their narrative that the male gender was inherently superior, and therefore made the image of their creator to be a “man”. But in actuality, God is not like us earthly beings, and is beyond meaningless human concepts such as a defined gender binary. It just so happened that God chose to present their voice to me as a female voice, because in that moment they were speaking from the perspective of a mother, claiming you as her child. That’s why when I think back on that moment, I think of God as a woman.”

 

Kurogiri gave an appropriate response of confused silence. All for One was pleased by his results.

 

Eventually, Kurogiri found his words again and asked, “So you’re saying that _God_ was saying that I’m their – _her?_ – child? Why is that?”

 

“While I created you, everyone is a child of God, Kurogiri. That’s why they’re _God_. And it just so happened that while God was happy to bring you into this world, she was also upset that I wasn’t taking the responsibility for my part in your creation seriously enough for her standards.”

 

“What did she want you to do, then?”  

 

“She wanted me to be kind to you…” All for One confessed, while not confessing his other promise to _not use_ Kurogiri.

 

“ …You are kind to me. _Sometimes_.”

 

_He failed that badly at keeping that end of the promise, huh? Well, it wasn’t like he was actively trying to keep it anyway._

 

“Admittedly, I didn’t match up to God’s expectations on that front. But her words did convince me to not fully disregard your value.”

 

Kurogiri was silent for a moment, digesting everything that All for One had just told him. Then, he simply nodded his head and ended the conversation with, “I see… Thank you for answering my questions.”

 

He walked away before All for One could say anything further on the matter.

 

_He seemed to have taken All for One’s answers quite seriously by the end… Maybe he was lucky enough that he somehow managed to get Kurogiri to concede that it was possible All for One wasn’t mostly lying?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_There’s absolutely no way in hell that_ God _has ever spoken to All for One. Why would he even try to go with that kind of absurd lie?_ Kurogiri thought as he made himself a cocktail. He had found that he had a knack for crafting alcoholic concoctions, to the point that some might even assume he worked as a bartender –Maybe they could try having a bar as one of their fronts later on?  

 

He sighed to himself as he sat down on a stool in front of his tall, colorful glass. Using a long stirring rod to mix the drink, Kurogiri quietly watched the various shades of pink from the different berry-flavored mixes he had used swirl together.

 

While most people associated Kurogiri with the color black for obvious reasons, Kurogiri had always been fonder of the color pink. He didn’t have a particular reason for this, there was just something about the color that made Kurogiri feel just a bit happier at the sight of it.

 

_However… while that part was a lie, it was clear that he was referring to an actual person with his answers. More specifically, a girl._

_If that was the case…_

 

_“God was very glad that you were made”_

_“God found your life to be very precious, and didn’t believe that I was giving it enough importance”_

_“She wanted me to be kind to you”_

 

Feeling his face heat up in a way that suggested he would be blushing with embarrassed happiness if he had had a normal face, Kurogiri brought the drink up to where his lips would be to take a sip.

 

The bitter burn of the alcohol was softened by the sweetness of the flavoring. The warmth his body felt from the drink melted into the warmth he felt him his chest when he thought about what this mystery person had apparently told his master.

 

_If that was the case, then Kurogiri was very glad indeed that All for One had answered his questions– even if he had to veil those answers in lies._


	6. Antarctic Exam Antics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are a series of short scenes that occured in the background of the CoF's chapter 50. I suggest reading this only after reading chapter 50 of CoF, since everything that happens here is connected to it. Basically it was physically impossible for me to not write up Gang Orca and Izu-pingu interaction just because of the arctic marine animal aesthetic, but I couldn't find a way to integrate it into the story naturally, so here it is lmao

When the doors of the room they were waiting in opened, everyone rushed out all at once. Class 1-A ran through the streets of ruin –though, in Izuku’s case it was more like flew through the streets while staying low to the ground. More and more broken buildings passed by them as they approached the heart of the fake city.

 

It was disturbing for Izuku to imagine that this could happen to an actual city, that the homes and lives of people could be decimated so heavily, but if nothing else Kamino proved that this was what could happen when fate was unkind. Disasters that occurred only by chance or by human design have always plagued humanity, being in the age of heroes didn’t change that.

 

“Terrorists have launched a massive attack! There’s wide-scale destruction throughout the city, buildings are collapsing and people are hurt! With most of the roads out of commission, rescue and relief squads are having a hard time reaching the scene! Until they arrive, it’s up to you heroes to take charge and rescue civilians! Save every life you can!”

 

_Not only did they not tell us the criteria the points will be based on, but our class is particularly inexperienced in rescue and relief practice. If they went with a test based on fighting villains this would’ve been much easier for us!_

 

But there was nothing to be done about it. After all, rescuing people is the core of what makes a hero a hero, so if Izuku and his classmates failed at this portion of the job, they didn’t deserve a license yet.

 

With that in mind, Izuku called out to the others as they traveled to the decimated city, “Everyone needs to pay attention to what the other schools are doing! All of the second years and up should have a much better idea of what to do in this type of situation, so we need to make sure we work with them properly– ”

 

“Ah!” Shouji suddenly came to a halt, one of his limbs had formed an ear at the end that he was pointing to a group of fallen buildings to their side. “I hear the sound of a child crying from over there!”

 

A brisk trip over revealed the sight of a small child that appeared to be bleeding from beneath the headphones and hat that he wore. He knelt on the ground while screaming frantically, pointing in the direction of the building behind him, “Over there! Grandpa! My Grandpa’s trapped! _He’s getting crushed!_ ”

 

Izuku knew he was only acting, this person might not even be the age that they’re pretending to be, but it was very convincing acting. The sympathy in him led Izuku to kneel before the HUC member and gently cup his chin to tilt his head up and focus on Izuku’s face. He also gently placed a hopefully comforting hand on the other’s upper arm. Izuku vaguely noted that his Fruit was in good condition.

 

“It’s alright, we’re here now! We’ll do everything we can to help your Grandpa, so don’t despair.” Izuku felt a soft smile bloom on his face. “You’ve been very brave, small knight, so can you continue to be brave and come with me and my Teddydrum to the first aid station? No harm will come to you while I’m at your side!”

 

The HUC member broke character to blink at Izuku in confusion, before his eyebrow twitched in annoyance and he yelled, “You’re laying that act on way too thick, even a child would be able to see through it! Also, this is way too intimate! Are you trying to comfort me or come on to me?! Minus points!”

 

_HUH?!_ “I– I’m not acting? Like _at all?_ What are you talking about?!” He figured that since the other broke character it was fine for Izuku to express his confusion. “And what do you mean “are you trying to come on to me”, _of course I’m not!_ ”

 

The HUC member pulled away from Izuku’s grip to gesture a hand towards him, eyebrow raised in disbelief. “You expect me to believe that this prince-like behavior that you’re showing is you’re actually personality?! I know it’s your theme but come on…”

 

“Actually, that is his actual personality. All of us here can testify to that,” Shouto spoke up in his defense. He seemed much too amused by the situation if the half smile he was showing was any indication.

 

“Izu– I mean, Prince Deku does act with princely tendencies in his everyday life,” Tenya confirmed.

 

“That’s just sorta how he is, yeah…” Jirou tacked on.

 

“Seriously?!”

 

“Listen, buddy, you’re preaching to the choir here. Just accept it and we can move on with the exam,” Hitoshi deadpanned at the still confused HUC worker.

 

After a moment to process this, the “child” gave a long sigh, then replied, “Well, even if that was the case, you were still coming off as too affectionate. Just try to reign it in a little so you don’t make the victims uncomfortable, yeah? Some of them might want physical comfort and flowery words like that, but others will just be put off by it and will get more stressed from it. You need to reach a middle ground.”

 

Thinking that over, Izuku retried his initial contact by staying kneeling, placing both of his hands firmly on the child’s shoulder. He also forced himself to not monologue. “It’s alright, we’re here now! You’ve been very brave, can you come with me and my Teddydrum to the first aid station?”

 

This was apparently an acceptable level of comforting, because the HUC broke into cries right on que, “ _My Grandpa!_ My Grandpa!”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll save your Grandpa! Prince Deku, can one of your Teddydrums help me lift the rubble?” Ochako offered, moving to stand beside Izuku.

 

“Of course! Teddydrum White, help out the rescue effort! Teddydrum Black, you’re with me!”

 

“I’ll assist you with stabilizing the building, Uravity-san,” Yaoyorozu spoke up.

 

“I’ll go with Izuku, in case an actual villain shows up again,” Hitoshi offered. And Izuku couldn’t even dispute him this time, because that’s literally what happened during the first test, and Hitoshi didn’t even _know_ about that yet. Izuku just can’t trust fate enough to say that another one won’t show up.

 

Sero –who _did_ know about the villain– clearly thought the same, because he exclaimed in agreement, “Yes, please do! Someone needs to watch him!”

 

An impatient growl from Kacchan – _who Izuku was somewhat surprised decided to stick with them this round_ – barked at the rest of them, “The rest of us can’t just fuck around doing nothing! We need to keep moving, so let Izuku take care of the brat!”

 

Kacchan then turned to give an unimpressed look to Izuku. “Only you can somehow manage to fuck up taking care of someone by taking care of them too much– Are you even fucking real?”

 

Before Izuku could respond, the HUC worker broke character again to give Kacchan an unimpressed look. “If he’s too much, then you’re _way too little!_ What the hell are you doing cursing like a sailor in front of me when I’m acting as a kid?! And you can’t call a victim that you’re rescuing a _brat!_ Minus points!”

 

“ _What the fuck?!_ ”

 

“Here it is, guys, the pride and joy of class 1-A.” Kaminari held his hands out towards Izuku and Kacchan. “The Prince that can’t keep his hands to himself and doesn’t understand that normal humans don’t monologue in real life, and the Champion that can’t stop fighting even when it’s only through verbal conversation.”

 

“Are you trying to pick a fight with me, sparky?!”

 

“That was a spot-on description,” Hitoshi agreed immediately. He nodded his head solemnly, as though it was a pitiful truth Kaminari was confessing.

 

_This was going to be a long exam…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Has anyone seen Greg?” one of the many suited Hero Commission workers asked around. Mera glanced up from his spot at the intercom receiver in an attempt to forcefully ignore the castle that had just manifested into existence.

 

“You mean the one that moved here from overseas? He’s…” Mera glanced down a one of his many lists, and promptly winced. “He’s in the stands as one of the watchers for this exam. Specifically, watching _Midoriya Izuku’s_ progress.”

 

“Midoriya Izuku… as in the kid that just made that castle over there appear?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“As in the one that Eraserhead said reported a villain infiltration during the first part of the exam?”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“And just summoned like hundreds of swords to throw down at Gang Orca’s men?”

 

“That’s– wait, what?” Mera looked back to the battlefield at the screen that was showing the area Gang Orca had entered from. Sure enough, a bunch of floating white swords had appeared out of nowhere to rain down on the “villains”. The crowned and cloaked figure seemed to be directing them all. “Wait… that’s not his hero costume, right? _What’s he wearing?_ And I thought his quirk was a pocket dimension thing? Why can he do all this other stuff?”

 

Mera tried to focus on something other than Midoriya Izuku, and failed completely. In spite of his wish to not subject himself to the strangeness any longer, his eyes kept going straight back to the decimation of Gang Orca’s forces as though he were watching a horror movie.

 

“Did his school submit any of this information about his quirk beforehand?”

 

Mera checked through some more papers. “After giving the basic description of his pocket dimension quirk and that it came with his robots and penguins, they said… _There’s more to it than that, but it’s complicated_.”

 

“ _It’s complicated?!_ That’s all they said about it?!”

 

“Well… to be fair to them, it does seem really complicated to describe. Even after seeing this for myself, I don’t know how I’m going to write a report on it…”

 

“It looks like Todoroki and Yoarashi are working together now to help cover Midoriya from Gang Orca, but…” the other Commission worker looked at the screen questioningly. “ _Does he really need their help?_ It seems like he could potentially do something to take care of Gang Orca on his own too…”

 

“Who knows? It could be that directing all those swords at once requires a lot of concentration, or it could be that he just wants his classmate to have the chance to make up his points. They don’t know that this is only a point deduction system,” Mera sighed.

 

It was only after the brainwashing gambit was pulled that Mera realized the last HUC actor had already been escorted to safety. Like a college student who only just realized after an anime binge-watching session that they had paper due the next day, he hastily called an end to the exam.

 

As soon it was officially declared, someone started vigorously banging on the door to the intercom room. The door opened to reveal a slightly crazed looking light-haired man in a suit.

 

“Greg? What’s wrong?” the other Commission worker, who was apparently Greg’s friend, asked in concern.

 

“What’s wrong– Did you not see that a _teenager_ just beat Gang Orca, _the Number Ten hero?!_ ”

 

“Technically he didn’t beat him,” Mera clarified, “Not only were Gang Orca and his gang were under heavy restrictions, he just… was very good at avoiding a fight with him, leading to Gang Orca’s eventual mental capture.”

 

“In this profession _that’s_ _the same thing as beating someone!_ And even if it was the brainwashing kid that pulled the final trap, Midoriya was the one who set everything up!”

 

Greg crouched forward to hold his head in his hands. “ _Why?_ Why didn’t they give us more of a warming about him?! I knew to be prepared for giant teddybear robots, I thought I was _prepared_ – But just, what the hell is his quirk supposed to be?! What the hell was that?!”

 

“Are you okay, Greg?”

 

“I just watched a kid act like a prince for like an hour with a penguin sidekick, _I’m_ not _okay!_ Did you know the only time he got points taken off was because he was comforting a HUC worker _too intensely?_ I didn’t even know you could get points taken off for that!”

 

“Don’t worry, the Commission will give you a great bonus once they hear about the abnormality of the situation,” Mera tried to reassure him. He gave a pitying glance at the other man, even he had to look away from the weirdness once it got too much, but it was Greg’s job to watch the boy throughout the whole duration. He didn’t get that comfort. “Why don’t you just get some rest?”

 

“Okay. Okay…” As Greg turned around to walk out, he muttered, “If I knew things were going to be this weird in Japan, I would’ve just stayed in America…”

 

_If Mera knew things were going to be like this today, then he would’ve just called in sick and stayed home…_

“Eraser… I think there were some critical details that you left out whenever you talked about your class,” Joke finally spoke up at the very end of the exam. _After_ Midoriya had somehow defeated the _Number Ten ranked hero_ , of course.

 

“I thought that some parts of my class were best explained through _experience,_ rather than verbal description.”

 

“Well… You’re not wrong, I guess. So is Midoriya Izuku always such a handful? He didn’t do that castle thing during the Sports Festival.”

 

“That’s a relatively new development. But he’s made up for that in a variety of other ways…”

 

“Oh yeah… he’s the kid that keeps running into villains, isn’t he?”

 

“That’s right,” Shouta sighed tiredly in response.

 

“Then… the note that he sent you in the middle of the first portion of the exam…”

 

“Was telling me that he ran into another villain.”

 

“Oh gosh! Well, if you ever need someone to share the burden with, we could have a joint training session some time.”

 

“If you want to inflict that kind of trauma on your class, then that’s fine by me.” Shouta shrugged at her.

 

“ …Also, you totally adopted the brainwashing kid, didn’t you? When were you going to tell me about that?!”

 

“Okay, this conversation is officially over.”

 

“Oh _come on_ , Eraser!”

 

Later, when he saw one of her kids – _Shindo Yo, if he remembered his introduction right_ – looking longingly in forlorn one-sided pining at Midoriya, he wondered if perhaps Joke had some oddballs in her class that she hadn’t been mentioning. _Or maybe this was just another extension of Midoriya’s weirdness…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izuku was in the middle of preparing to leave the exam arena to see his final results, having already dismantled the Wonderland that he summoned, when Gang Orca paused after freeing all of his gang. He turned to slowly approach Izu-pingu, who looked up at him nervously from behind Penguin Yagi. Penguin Yagi was much more outwardly collected, but Izuku was pretty sure the other penguin was nervous at the sight of Gang Orca as well.

 

They were penguins made in the image of humans, but… _they were still penguins_. They still psychologically believed that their number one weakness were the natural predators of penguins, despite the fact that they were strong enough to beat those predators in a fight. It was instinctual for them.

 

“I was just wondering, little penguin… _thing_ , are you frightened by me because of my quirk? I couldn’t help but notice that you were freaking out on Todoroki back there.”

 

_Oh– Izuku hadn’t thought about this as a problem caused by Gang Orca’s_ quirk _, but that’s what it was._

_The man already had to deal with his appearance making him the third-ranked hero “who looks like a villain”, to see small animals be scared of him because of it as well must sting. It really showcased the kinds of biases people with mutation quirks have to face compared to others…_

 

Izuku moved to place a comforting hand on Izu-pingu’s head which was also meant to keep him in place. He didn’t want the penguin to run away from the hero and make him even _more_ self-conscious. With an apologetic smile, Izuku explained, “I’m sorry, Gang Orca-san, it’s only because they’re penguins that Izu-pingu’s acting like this. Logically speaking he knows you’re human, but since your appearance is so much like a real orca’s it’s confusing his instincts.”

 

“It’s fine, I understand.” Gang Orca knelt down so that he wasn’t towering over the penguins, though he still wasn’t small enough to be at eye-level with them. For someone that people claimed to have a scary face, Izuku thought the hero looked particularly cute in his attempts to look non-threating.

 

“I just wanted to say that I thought it was very brave of you to catch me like that, even as you were fearing that I… _would eat you_ , I guess? It really helped out your human’s plan that you were able to follow through with that.” Gang Orca scratched at his chin in confusion. “But really, _I’m not going to eat you!_ I eat human food, not orca food!”

 

“This is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever overheard…” Yoarashi muttered off to the side. Shindo thought about it for a moment, before motioning his hand in a so-so gesture, so while he thought it was weird he must’ve still heard weirder before.

 

“Really? This is practically as normal as it gets for us. I’d actually go so far as to say it’s more logical than usual,” Shouto responded casually. Hitoshi nodded empathetically. Both Yoarashi and Shindo raised their eyebrows at the pair incredulously.

 

Izu-pingu stared at Gang Orca for a moment. Then, he stuck out his chest and waddled forward. Gang Orca let the penguin approach, most likely wanting to know what he was doing, until Izu-pingu was close enough to warp his flippers around Gang Orca’s abdomen in a tight hug. They were so short compared to Orca’s waist, that they just barely covered the front of it.

 

Gang Orca froze up for a tense moment, before he hesitantly lowered his arms around Izu-pingu to return the hug. He glanced towards Izuku as though looking for some sign as to what to do or why Izu-pingu was hugging him.

 

He would find no relief with Izuku though. Izuku was too busy holding in his squeal at the _adorableness_ of the sight, hand pressed firmly against his mouth to stop it.

 

Apparently, Gang Orca’s sidekicks were not so disciplined.

 

“Get a camera– _Someone get a camera!_ ”

 

“I’ve got my phone out with me! Already taking pics!”

 

“Well take _more_ then!”

 

“I’ve never felt so _blessed_ – ”

 

“Guys!” Gang Orca rumbled out a shout, pausing the chaos. He stood up while still hugging Izu-pingu, as the penguin had yet to let go, leading to Izu-pingu’s legs to dangle from his grip. Despite looking like he was cuddling a stuffed animal at this point, Gang Orca tried to be a voice of reason, “ _Calm down!_ What’s the big deal?!”

 

One of the still masked “villains” that did have their phone out and pointed at Gang Orca gestured towards him helplessly. “Big Fish– Big Fish, you’re _hugging a penguin_. This is literally the best thing that I’ve seen in my entire life.”

 

“Yeah, Big Fish! If the public saw you right now, there’s no way they’d say that you’re a hero that looks like a villain!”

 

“It’s so cute I could die!”

 

“Let’s frame a huge picture of this and put on the wall of the reception area!”

 

Hitoshi whispered to Shouto, “Are sidekicks usually such huge fans of the hero that they work under?”

 

“If you’re using my father as a metric, then _definitely not_. But most heroes aren’t like him, so maybe that’s how it is normally?” Shouto shrugged.

 

“No. It’s really not… Maybe they’re compensating because his image isn’t as good as it should be for a hero with his rank?” Shindo whispered back while eyeing Gang Orca’s gang.

 

“There will be _no pictures hanged!_ ” Gang Orca protested. He then switched to holding Izu-pingu in the crook of one arm to shake his other fist at his sidekicks.

 

“Can we at least put one in the employee lounge so we can appreciate it on our off time?”

 

“Why are you guys so creepy sometimes– _No!_ ”

 

“Okay… Someone needs to take one for the team and leak this to the media.”

 

“I can _hear_ what you’re whispering, dammit! Can’t a man who looks like an orca hug a penguin in peace– ” Gang Orca cut himself off as a pair of large, black, metal arms wrapped around him from behind. He glanced up to see Teddydrum Black gazing down on him, and then looked at Izuku. “ _Why…_ ”

 

Izuku shrugged at him, but couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “I didn’t tell it anything. Teddydrum Black just likes being included when cuddling is going on.”

 

“ _The teddybear is hugging Big Fish_ – ”

 

“Oh, not _this_ again!” Gang Orca cried in frustration, rolling his eyes at them all.

 

That’s when Penguin Yagi waddled up to hug Gang Orca’s lower leg. Izuku was pretty sure that unlike both Izu-pingu and Teddydrum Black, Yagi was only doing it to enhance the humor of the situation. He was made in the image of _Sir Nighteye_ , after all.

 

Izuku was waiting with anticipation to see his results, but he supposed it would be worth it to wait a little longer. And take a couple of his own pictures while waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References from this chapter:  
> Mera's intro for the second portion of the exam and part of the HUC kid's dialogue are from bnha.

**Author's Note:**

> References from this chapter:  
> The named jewels (Dream, hope, adventure, mystery, author's convenience) thing is from Princess Tutu
> 
> Fun Fact! If Hawks hadn’t distracted Endeavor, he would have fired at Teddydrum White’s rockets to cause them to explode and Teddydrum White would’ve lost due to being unable to fly or walk. Therefore, Hawks is singlehandedly responsible for losing his own bet!


End file.
